The new Monster Energy EXXXXtreme NASCAR!

NASCAR is finally changing its rules.  F yeah!  About f-ing time!  Bolt on those machine guns.  Strap on the rocket launchers.  The last man standing is the winner!  Now I can’t wait for the new season.  Thanks to Monster Energy drinks for finally propelling racing into the death sport future we all knew would happen someday.

Okay, I got that from just reading the headline of the news article.  I’d better actually the read the whole thing here.  You know, due diligence and all that.  But I’m sure that . . . Hmm . . . Err . . . Wait, what?  Ties are now possible?  Drivers who hold the lead for seven straight laps score a “Nas-Down” and are awarded 7 points?  Participation trophies in Victory Lane for all the drivers?  There’s now a UFC octagon in pit lane for after race fights?  Drivers are required to slam down a Monster Energy drink every 50 laps?  I don’t know.  This new NASCAR may not be for me.  Oh, what’s this?  Live cut-a-ways to NASCAR driver girlfriend/wife fights in pools of mud, hot oil, or Jello depending on the venue?  Woo Hoo!

Actually, the specifics of this deal are less exciting.  Races will now be divided into three segments with the first two segments awarding points to the top 10 drivers, and the final one awarding points to the winner and the rest of the field.  Further, segment winners and race winners get separate bonus points that apply to the “don’t call a Chase anymore” playoffs.  The “playoff” format is unfortunately unchanged.  There will be a stoppage after each segment for a driver interview.  This is also supposed to increase the green flag race coverage, since there will now planned stops in the race.  I think, much like side-by-side commercials, what will actually happen is that the number of commercials will increase by two breaks and the amount of green flag racing will decrease.

NASCAR is hoping this will cause the drivers to race harder during the early and middle parts of the race, since they will now be racing for something.  So in addition to the extra stoppages, we’ll also have some more wrecks.  I give it one full season at most before either some competitors find a way to game this system and break it (like Kenseth’s championship strategy the year before the Chase), or the race broadcast times go up unacceptably (from planned stoppages and additional wrecks) and they’re forced to dump it.  The scramble for points at places like Daytona and Talladega may even pose unbearable safety risks, like when F1 went to a one set of tires per weekend rule a few of years ago.  (Yes, really.  They tried that.)   

  

This is supposed to make NASCAR more palatable to modern audiences.  “If we created motorsports today, this is exactly how we would have done it,” says Brad Keselowski.  Unfortunately, he’s talking about this format and not Global Rallycross, which was created recently with a much more TV-friendly format of running short heat races.  NASCAR has flirted with such a format on dirt tracks with trucks, but never gone all the way with it on paved ovals.  We can maybe look forward to this possibility in the future, because this format is not going to last.  It involves the same lousy TV coverage and the same death march of an overly long race.  No combination of rotten eggs makes an omelet.

If NASCAR wants to be more like the NFL, it needs to do what the NFL does.  In needs to have more vague in-race rules so it can manipulate the outcome of events and create controversial moments that will have people talking and debating during and after the race.  The drivers need to get into more trouble off the track.  Most importantly, it needs to develop a fun, addictive betting mechanism for the fans and then refocus the sport to service that gambling action. 

NASCAR tried something like this new format last year in a Busch/Nationwide/Xfinity Series race.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on.  I doubt anybody watching got it either.  Needless to say, it didn’t hold my interest.  And that was just for a single race.  They’re going to have to spend the whole season explaining this format to viewers, which is where they’re going wrong.  I mean the infield fly rule only comes up every so often in baseball.  They don’t have to talk about it every game.  NASCAR, don’t put that drawing board away, you’ll be going back to it soon enough.