RIP Chief Wahoo

Well, this was inevitable.  They’ve been building up to this for the last couple of years.  The Cleveland Indians’ mascot is now persona non grata at the stadium and the on the team uniform starting next year.  Coincidentally, next years’ All-Star Game is being hosted in Cleveland.  Commissioner Rob Manfred clearly twisted some arms here.  The Atlanta Braves will surely face this issue with their new stadium certain to be hosting the game in the near future.  Somehow, they’ll also have to force the fans there to stop doing the “Tomahawk Chop” for rallies. 

Next up will be name changes.  This has to happen too.  The Indians will still be selling Chief Wahoo merchandise locally to “protect” their trademark.  In other words, the team knows that others would be making a killing selling gear with the Chief on it and can’t abide anybody profiting on their own stupidity.  This hypocritical situation will create a new “crisis,” which will result in a name change, which will eventually cascade into a Braves’ name change.    

If you’re for expunging all Native American references in this country, this is a bright future to look forward to.  As it stands though, this solution to this imaginary problem made exactly no one happy.  The fans are incensed.  The snowflakes who mandated this are still angry.  Chief Loose Slots and the Wampum tribe at their sacred casino grounds could care less.  Okay, that last one was a cheap shot, but still accurate on some level.  Just about everyone I’ve heard heralding this decision (always with the words, “But there’s still a long ways to go.”), wasn’t a Native American.  You’d think that group would be loudest, since they were the ones being theoretically offended.  Will this character erasure and potential name change help the team itself?  Not even that.  There is no “Chief Wahoo Curse.”  He was on the uniform the last time the Indians won the World Series in the 40’s.                 

What’s annoying here is that the Indians were so named because of a former Native American Cleveland baseball player, Louis Sockalexis.  PC revisionists keep denying it or questioning the motivation, but it really does trace directly back to him.  Sockalexis was a good player and I think the fans, certainly as the years went by, liked the idea of the naming and loved the name itself.  “Indian” connotes a powerful warrior in this culture.  When you consume an image, you take on its power (or at least you wish your favorite sports team would do so in this case).  “Native American” just means another whiny civil rights group.  Who would name their team something silly and weak, like Chihuahuas? 

As for Chief Wahoo, the current itineration is a great logo (admit it), perhaps not that of a fierce warrior, but it is friendly and iconic.  (Yes, it was designed to appeal to children.  Get ‘em while they’re young.  It’s like the grandparents of guys who made the El Paso Chihuahuas’ logo were involved.)  You’d have to have pretty low self-esteem to see yourself as a smiling, bright red character with a big nose.  Alternatively, and more accurately, you’d have to be an SJW, who doesn’t see individuals or understand inoffensive symbolism.  These people only see stereotypes and put everyone they see into a category. 

I will admit to my own biases here.  I’ve known one Native American fellow, Fonz, when I was at college.  He was way cooler than my childhood idol from Happy Days.  Fonz did look like your Hollywood casting call for an Indian brave.  He was tall, broad shouldered, muscular, had long, thick dark hair, and a pleasant, friendly face.  Be still my heart.  I’m swooning like a Jane Austin heroine.  If he were a comic book character, we’re talking Thunderbird, Warpath, or Apache Chief, but more handsome.  His best characteristic was his personality.  He was simply one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  As per the maxim: women wanted him; men wanted to be him.  I spent an afternoon girl-watching with him once (and he was so sweet in his ogling, you women would still love him).  It’s one of my favorite memories from my time working at EPCC.  If I could get his opinion on this issue, I’d take it as my own without further reflection.        

My own modest proposal is to rename the team, The White Liberals, in honor of those who forced the change.  Their mascot should be a big-headed character in the form of House Minority Leader Representative Nancy Pelosi.  She could stand at the front gate of the stadium calling each white person who entered a “racist.”  Nan (her affectionate nickname) could then demand they buy government healthcare with their ticket, and then she could sneak illegal aliens into the stadium into the seats of paying fans.