Sports Journal 6-23-14

We’ve lost the country. 

I’m listening to Rush Limbaugh wax poetic about watching his first soccer match.  Suddenly the beauty, the artistry, the skill, and the athleticism of the world’s national sport has made itself apparent to him from watching the US vs. Portugal World Cup match.  This is akin to Walter Cronkite reporting the Tet Offensive during the Vietnam War as a major US defeat, when in fact, its outcome was the complete destruction of the Viet Cong as a fighting force.  But the greater damage was done just by the reporting.  

In other words, he’s been comprised.  

Like all male folly, from Adam on, it was his wife that lead him to this downfall and got him to watch.  In his usual dimwitted comprehension of pop culture, Rush is convinced that the US dramatically lost the match.  It was a draw, which means that both sides lost, as well as the audience.  Soccer, like war, a senseless act, where there’s no guarantee of a winner, only losers. 

To repeat myself: soccer is not a sport in this country, it’s an agenda, and an Anti-American one.  I’m convinced much of the international popularity of this sport is due to the fact that the rest of the world is better at it than we are.  That’s because ALL OF OUR SPORTS ARE BETTER THAN SOCCER.  All of our best athletes and attention go into those other sports.  Even with just our marginal athletes, we’re still competitive against the world’s best. 

It’s a poor man’s sport, regardless of the value of certain players and English Premier League franchises.  All you need is a ball and something to mark the field and the goals.  It fits in well with the abject poverty and heavy-handed wealth control of socialism in the rest of the world.  Soccer is the sport of economic despair for the masses.  If it is becoming more popular here, that’s why.

If you’re a fan, you only think you enjoy soccer.  Because nothing happens and it happens at such a slow pace, you’re hypnotically convinced that near misses on the goal are exciting and that actual goals are orgasmic releases.  It’s marketing.  It’s social media.  It’s constant media hype.  You can’t get away from it.  That’s why we’re all thinking about it, certainly not because it’s a great sport comparable to our football, which most sports fans here hold up as the standard for excitement. 

Until the day comes when the US team ever plays a home game against the Mexican team on this soil (it’s never home game for the US against the Mexicans), I will NOT take this sport seriously, and I will continue to ridicule the fools who do.

Update 6-26-14:
Somebody agrees with me, Ann Coulter