For starters, there would not be hordes of orcs. Any group of savages of questionable ancestry would do. Yeah, REH would use 4e’s minion rules. But his main villains would memorable and his monsters, show stopping.
No elves, dwarves, and certainly no halflings, unless these creatures were some abhorrent, degraded version of humans. They’re probably cannibals too, into dark magic, and worshipping elder gods.
There would be dungeons. This is where your characters will end up in chains before they escape. It will not be some Gygaxian maze. Conan would get bored with such as drivel as searching for secret doors and checking for traps every teen feet with a pole. A freaking pole! He would have even less tolerance for figuring out some puzzle involving chess or musical notes or some other nonsense. No, there’d just be a horror show of nightmarish creatures sitting on a pile of gold. Tomb raiding, monster lairs, sorcerer’s towers, and lost temples would be the marching order of the day.
I think REH would be fair DM, perhaps even rooting for the players somewhat. The characters’ enemies would always be loathsome or inhuman or both. Death would be a grisly event, though. And there would be dark, mysterious, evil things, which if your character disturbed in an unthinking manner, Howard would kill you on the spot without remorse.
Don’t worry about allied NPC’s stealing the characters’ spotlight. That would never happen.
Would he want to play? Certainly. A social game like this with like-minded fantasy fans, he’d love it. I have this vision of Gygax gladly offering his big DM’s chair in the sky to let Howard run a game.
One more thing, every female NPC your characters meet will be wearing an outfit leaving little to the imagination or just outright topless.
J.
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