Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The Leaked Scripts of Community Season Six Part 1

Just to screw up my last Community post, NBC has canceled Community for next season.  (Check out those Alison Brie GIFs in the comments.)  They might have also wanted to get in the last laugh at Dan Harmon for that teaser at the end of the Season Five making fun of them.  (Yeah, but watch them actually produce that “Captain Cook” show anyway.)

For his last column for a computer magazine, John C. Dvorak previewed every future column for the coming year that he wouldn’t be writing.  January: here I will pointlessly attack Apple for no reason; February: here I will do an in depth, technical article about digital photography that will interest exactly three people; March: after an avalanche of hate mail, I kiss and make up with Apple; April: Windows sucks, but the next version should be great, which is what I said last time.  Okay, I don’t entirely remember it and may have made up some of it, because it’s been years and I don’t have the original, but you get the idea.  In that spirit, here are the episodes of Community you’ll be missing next season.    

F.U. NBC
The episode begins with Jeff spanking Annie’s Boobs.  The monkey has been living with Jeff over the summer, and he is damn sick of it.  And so is Jeff.  The apartment just isn’t big enough for the both of them and somebody has to go.  The episode is filled with clever in-jokes and highly metaphorical as Dan Harmon   has his jollies rubbing it in to NBC, who was forced to reinstate the show after their entire Thursday night lineup was canceled.  (Or alternatively, the show was forced into another venue.)  The last casual viewer never watches this show again after this episode.  Ross from Friends makes a guest appearance at the end.  “Hey, I used to live with a monkey too.  What were we thinking?”  

Jump Back to the Terminated Future on Groundhog Day
It’s a pity that statistically nobody is now watching the show.  This is a great episode.  Jeff is sent back in time via the Dream-a-torium 2.0 to his first day at Greendale.  He attempts to undo his decisions and start over, only to have to repeat the day in an endless loop.  Abed follows Jeff and attempts to shoot him with a special paintball gun to end the loop.  

Remedial Cat-Fighting
It’s finally come down to this.  Britta and Annie are taking a MMA fighting class, wherein their pent up anger over Jeff’s inability to choose between them comes out violently.  Yes, there’s a segment where the girls go WWE on each other.  Desperate for ratings, NBC (or whoever) heavily promotes this episode with several salacious clips. 

Seminar: How to be a Success
In this touching episode, the group attends a motivational seminar with a charismatic speaker.  So inspired (and since their characters are increasingly useless on the show), Shirley, Duncan, and Hickey decide leave the school to pursue their dreams.  Britta meant to attend it, but overslept.  Now that she’s completely depressed again, Duncan proposes to her.  “My dreams all include you.  You are my dream,” he says.  The girls go, “Ahhhh,” one last time.  Britta accepts and decides to leave with him.  Jeff, jealous over the motivational speakers’ charm and wanting to keep the group together, finds out that the guy is actually a loser and a fraud.  However, Jeff decides not to expose him in the end and lets the group members leave happy (as do the actors).     

Basic Law for Dummies
The opening credits to the show are finally dispensed with because of the lack of permanent cast members.  Here we’re introduced to a new study group in Jeff’s law class and a bunch of replacement/parody characters who essentially take the place of departed cast members.  Highlight: Jeff saying, “Here’s my cellphone, Mr. Hartly.  Call your mother and tell her you’re not going to be a lawyer.”     

Warmed Over Leftovers
A campus-wide game of “Laser Freeze Tag” puts Jeff on the hotspot as Annie openly declares her love for him.  Since he’s “frozen,” he can’t answer.  To take the joke even further, Annie sings out her affections in a spoof of “Let it Go,” complete in an Elsa costume.  Nobody cares who wins the contest.   

Continued

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