The Leaked Scripts of Community Season Six Part 2

Previously

History of Current Pop Culture

Abed has “Meta”ed his match.  A member of the new, junior study group can go reference for reference with the master and then some.  In a wacky trivia contest, the kid’s “kung fu” is better.  After putting up with Abed’s pop culture cramming for a week, Rachel, his girlfriend, almost leaves him.  Abed is forced to confront his need for a new shtick.  He picks neurotic boyfriend and asks Rachel to take him back.

Studies in Fan Service

Annie, trying to get Jeff’s attention, becomes a nude model for a Life Drawing class.  However, she soon falls for a blind student, who is able to make stunning paintings of her after feeling her up.  Enraged with jealousy, Jeff attempts to prove that the student is only faking his blindness (which he is).  If the show isn’t on the network, but on premium cable or the Internet, expect to Annie’s actual boobs.  Allison Brie mentally checks out of the rest of the season and contemplates a lawsuit as Dan Harmon has inserted himself into the show as the “blind” student.  “And I thought being on Mad Men was degrading and exploitive,” she’ll say later in a deposition.    

How to Make Enemies and Influence Them to Hate You

Jeff is invited to host the annual city officials roast.  His routine instead focuses on attacking the city council’s enemies in a blatant attempt at kissing their asses for more school funding.  It fails and he bombs.  Joel McHale phones it in for the rest of the season as well in protest at this transparent jab at himself and his White House Correspondents Dinner performance.  

Bottle Episode

Dan Harmon, now fearing the regular actors left on the show, does an episode with the new study group having a fight with themselves in the study room over a tyrannical assignment by Mr. Winger.  Danny Pudi wonders when his character will finally get screwed over, but it never happens.

Dean Ex Machina

Chang activates his final scheme to destroy the school at the behest of the school board.  Hint: it involves a giant pool of urine.  Jeff: “Since Pierce isn’t here, I’m going to have to say it, we’ve got save the school from the “yellow peril.”  The Dean sacrifices himself to save everyone, though his body is never found.  

Basic Mythology

All of the tropes from the previous five seasons, that didn’t directly involve any of the departed cast members, are implausibly used.  Abed ironically comments on his ironic commenting about the situation. 

Advanced Finality-Extra Credit

The Kickstarter for the movie has succeeded.  Harmon begins writing the most epic paintball episode of all time (spoiler: it involves zombies).  Abed and Rachel’s and Jeff and Annie’s surprise double wedding is interrupted by Troy (special guest star) and the Dean, both objecting to the ceremony.  The whole thing ends on a cliffhanger of pop culture references (how appropriate).  Jeff suddenly wakes up with Britta, who tells him it was all a dream (Newhart show ref).  Suddenly, Annie wakes up and finds Pierce coming out of the shower, drying off Annie’s Boobs, who tells her that the last two seasons have all been a dream (Dallas ref).  Meanwhile, Abed is playing with a snowglobe with a tiny, miniature Greendale campus inside it (St. Elsewhere ref).  (Don’t worry.  The movie will tie all this together.)

Okay, I think we can all agree that we dodged a bullet with the show’s cancellation, now knowing what would have happened. 

Given that the network doesn’t like the show or its creator, it’s not coming back to NBC.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s probably more personal than business.  Maybe they just let him think that it was coming back, just to screw with him.  The fans say they love the show, but didn’t like the last two seasons and it apparently has no broader appeal, so I question this show’s viability in another venue. 

Without Pierce and Troy, I personally don’t see the point in continuing the show.  (Should have done a better job about bringing in new characters during the previous seasons.)  Dan Harmon himself may not even really like the show, given Season Five’s lackluster attitude.  He actually seems to resent the show being best known for the paintball episodes.  He’s got another show he’s working on anyway.

While no one was too shocked at the news of the cancellation because of the bottom line bad ratings, Season Six was just so assumed, it’s hard not to imagine it still happening.  It’ll happen if for no other reason than to just mess up this post.