Fantasy Core Adventure: Diamond Temple Part 3

DIAMOND TEMPLE

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Encounter 10: Mess hall

This dimly lit room has a pair of long mess tables.  There is evidence of a pitiful feast.  There’s rations and wine skins left on the table and in several backpacks (22 if counted). 

Encounter 11: Purification room

There’s a basin of red liquid (wine) in the center of the room with a Gargoyle statue standing over it.  The statue is conspicuously missing its head horn and is chained to the wall.  It won’t react unless it is attacked or if anyone tastes from the basin.  If reduced to 4 or less Hp, it will cease fighting and cower in the corner, whimpering.  It won’t speak, but will tug at its chain.  The lock can be picked at DC 12 or the chain pulled out a DC 18 Str check (add +1 for everyone with +1 or more Str helping, the Gargoyle adds +1 as well).  (I suppose you could also hack off its foot.)  If freed, it will escape.  (It’ll turn up again when the characters raid the temple and will go straight for Rodney.)      

Gargoyle

HD 4, Hp 16, AC 16 (normally magic to hit, but Gargoyles lose their enchantment without their horn)

Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +4

Melee: 2 x Claw +6 to hit 1d4+2 and Bite +4 to hit 1d6+1

Encounter 12: Cloak room

There are 5 black hooded cloaks hanging on pegs in the room.  There’s also one black hooded Acolyte in the room, asleep and snoring loudly.  This is the guard for the complex.  A loud scuffle in the Room #11, or bashing open the door to #13, or entering the room incautiously may wake him up (roll a DC 12 Will Sv for him).  Otherwise, the room can be entered without even a Stealth check.  If alerted, he’ll attempt to run to the temple for reinforcements (10 Acolytes) in 4 rds.

One Acolyte

HD 1, Hp 2, AC 10

Fort +0, Ref +0, Will +2

Melee: Club +0 to hit, 1d6

Encounter 13: Rodney’s Office

The door is locked door and DC 12 to pick, DC 18 to break down.  Inside is a simple office and bed.  There’s a shelf full of blasphemous religious tomes and a magic book (radiates magic) with 3 1^st level spells, 2 2^nd level, and 1 3^rd level.  (The spells can be picked out later.)  There’s also 4 healing potions (1d6+1 hp).  Under the bed is a metal strongbox with 75 GP inside.  It’s DC 18 to pick.  Rodney has the key with him. 

Fantasy Core Adventure: Diamond Temple Part 2

DIAMOND TEMPLE

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Encounter 6: Fatso

The bad smell gets stronger here.  Wherever the group enters, on the opposite end of the chamber is a large mound of flesh.  It jiggles and slowly rises to face them.  This is Fatso, a Ghoul Giant.  The good news is that, it too, has been badly underfed and does not have the usual paralyzing bite.  The bad news is that it’s still likely a TPK for a bunch of grade-schoolers like the character group in straight up fight.  It also has a Ghast-like stench about it, hampering melee combat.  If there are any Pirates with the group, it’s a DC 12 Will Sv for them to stand and fight.  (Just roll for the Captain.)  After the first death, roll again at DC 18.

It moves slowly.  The characters will get a free shot at it after seeing it, and they can easily outrun it.  Right now, it is hemmed in the chamber.  All of the egresses are too small for it to fit through.  However if the characters want to continue on (through chamber #7), they’re going to have to figure out a way around it.  It’s worth noting that there are some half-eaten Ghoul bodies in the chamber.  It’ll eat the live and the undead apparently.

Ghoul Giant

HD 10, Hp 30, AC 15, Always last in Init.

Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +5

Melee: Swat +10 to hit, 2d8

Or +10 to hit, DC 12 Ref Sv or grabbed

DC 18 to Break (Str) or Escape Artist, next rd, automatic Bite 1d6 damage, it will likely drop a victim after a bite, if it takes a hit from someone else

Stench: For everyone within 5’, DC 12 Fort Sv or stunned 1 rd.

Encounter 7: Tunnel

The escape from Fatso and entry into the temple goes through a partially collapsed passage.  It is nearly filled with debris and doesn’t seem stable.  Characters will have to crawl, one at a time into the passage, and it can fit three people down its length.  Torch-carrying isn’t going to work, so they’ll need another light source, or have to travel in the dark.  It will take 2 rds to reach the end, where a dim amount of light can be seen. 

At the end of the tunnel is a wire trap.  It’s DC 12 to detect if the character has a light, DC 18 if not.  It’s a DC 18 Ref Sv to avoid, if not detected, DC 12 to avoid if detected.  (DC 12 to Disarm if a Thief wants to try it.)  It’s 2d6 damage to everyone in the passage if set off.  At least the passage won’t be totally blocked by it, but it’ll take 2 rds to dig out.      

On the other side, the corridor is obviously a built structure, and pretty old.  There are torches burning at regular intervals down the hallway, though it’s still not well lit.  Normally, the trap going off would bring some guards, but not this time. 

Encounter 8: Stable

Judging by the desiccated hay, piles of manure, and horse skeletons, this was some sort of makeshift stable.  There are four piles of bones, which will suddenly start to reform if disturbed.  The Skeleton Horses will attack anyone in the chamber, though they will not pursue out of it.  There’s a saddle bag in the crusted crap containing 25 GP and perhaps a partial map of the rest of the dungeon (if you want to expand it).

Four Skeleton Horses

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 13

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: Hooves +2 to hit, 1d6 x 2

Encounter 9: Abandoned Room

This chamber has clearly been worked on and turned into an actual room, though not finished.  It’s piled up with a bunch of the garbage.  If you’d like connect this to a larger dungeon, the north wall has a magic infused archway that’s been painted on it.  There are runes inscribed on it that will defy any translation.  If copied down and taken to a Sage, it will reveal a way to open the arch into the rest of the dungeon.

The garbage can be searched through in one turn.  Roll 1d10 for each character searching.   

1-5- Nothing Useful

6-Short Sword

7-Shield

8-Useful equipment (player’s choice)

9-Pouch of 1d6 gems (10 GP each)

10-A glowing stone, a magic light source

There’s also a broken Ballista in the room, which could be fixed with a DC 12 Int check (roll for the highest Int and add +1 for everyone with +1 or more Int that are helping).  7 Bolts will also be found with it that will do 2d10 damage.  It will require 2 people to fire it every rd and to move it.  It won’t go through the passage #7.

Baseball Journal 4-29-14 Opening Night

I was there!  Sort of.  I was listening!  For most of it.  Darn it.  Tim mentioned that in the coming years far more than the 9,000+ in attendance will claim to have been at this inaugural game for the new ballpark and the true home opener for the Chihuahuas.  You can add to that an even more select group of those who stayed up and saw or listened to the end, and those who only claimed to have experienced it.

Congratulations to the organization for starters.  Whatever misgivings myself and others have about the origin of the team and their ultimate fate in El Paso, last night was one of celebration.  At 5:00, I snuck into the breakroom at work to watch the local news.  At least three of the local networks (probably all of them) were broadcasting from the stadium and doing stories.  They discussed a few issues, but mostly kept it upbeat, which was entirely appropriate.  One of my co-workers and even my boss came in to watch some of the coverage. 

I saw a couple of different interviews with the fellow who named the team, who’s become the team’s unofficial ambassador.  There was an interview with the deep toned public address announcer, who certainly got a workout announcing the teams before the game.  (And in spite hearing it 10 times, I missed his name.)  All of the players were introduced like an All-Star game.  The dogs were introduced with Sirius playing in the background (a la “Your Chicago Bulls!).  The “Fear the ears” maneuver was displayed by the players.  The construction workers were honored before the game.  Given the forced march schedule of demolition and construction and that the stadium did open when promised, they certainly deserved the praise. 

Watching the TV coverage was likely my first mistake of the evening.  It was good to actually see the stadium, but the local radio coverage was probably better.  My dad, who was listening to it instead, seemed to get something out of it.  My apprehension of KROD’s commitment to baseball has so far been placated.  They’ve even resumed playing ESPN’s Sunday night baseball.

I’m starting to get embarrassed heaping praise on the voice of the Chihuahuas, Tim Hagerty.  Tim had a real sense of history being made tonight and was in top form painting lyrical spoken word pictures of the stadium, the crowd, the players, and the action.  One of the newscasts teased an interview with Tim, but it didn’t come on during the early broadcast, so I missed it and can’t comment on it.  Certainly he was also endearing himself to the crowd, even though they probably didn’t hear him, as Tim repeatedly praised fan knowledge about how the game is played.  Tim even gave a little love to the umps before the game, saying how proud they must be to be there.

The ballpark itself had a couple of interesting features mentioned.  There’s a single empty seat held for fallen and overseas military members.  There’s even knothole access to fans out on the street like at AT&T Park in San Francisco to see the game.  I think people are cycled in and out every three innings there.  Given that they sellout about every game, they can give some free looks.  People are also able to watch from the tops of buildings across the street in El Paso.  I’ve heard that that was the origin of the Green Monster at Fenway in Boston.  That it came about to block that kind of view, unlike the rooftops at Wrigley in Chicago.  I wouldn’t wait for stands to start appearing on El Paso building tops.

The fans seem to have already chosen favorites amongst the players.  I don’t know how this will work out in the long run.  From what I’ve seen, Triple A rosters are highly transitory.  The teams made up of veterans trying to get back into the show, prospects who are ready for their chance but are positional-ly blocked, and a couple of “Crash Davis” types who are there for organizational stability.  These guys can, and will, be moved at anytime with frequency.  The Double A experience was generally young players together as a unit, trying prove that they’re ready to move on.  It might not be a good idea to get too attached to anybody on the Chihuahuas.    

The team arrived in El Paso during the day and were met by about 100 fans.  (Since they were there during the day, the city really should have had a Mariachi band and Folklorico dancers there for them.)  Cody Decker made the biggest hit wearing a pink ascot, a fedora, and sunglasses.  I don’t know what the story was behind that outfit, but I suspect there is one.  Fans were chanting his name during an at bat at one point late in the game. 

I was impressed by Travis Buck, not only hitting the first homer in the park, thus making the first score, but also for hitting the light tower on the pitch before.  If that had gone out, hopefully they have the music from The Natural on hand to play for the trip around the bases.  Travis was also hit by a pitch earlier, which he caught between his elbow and body.  I would have liked to have seen that.  The best defensive play, that I could tell, goes to Rico Noel for making a great catch in the 8^th to keep the game tied.

Wind was apparently not a factor in this game, nor was altitude.  Right now the balls are kept in a humidor like at Coors Field.  In spite of watching several weather forecasts at the ballpark, I never found out which way the wind was blowing relative to the stadium.  I don’t know what kept the ball down, but the score was 1 to 1 for most of the game and then some. 

I knew that the game wouldn’t be finished by the time my time at work was done.  There was also something on TV I wanted to watch at 10:00.  Here, I made another poor decision to go ahead and stay and keep listening, since I wouldn’t be able to listen at home.  It was a bad decision because an hour and half later, the game still wasn’t final.  Then I made the last bad decision of the night, and left at 11:00.  I wouldn’t get the final score, 2-1 Fresno Surfing Bears, err Grizzlies, until the next morning.       

It was just as well.  I would have hated to have heard the dogs lose their first game anyway.  Certainly the experience was going to be very memorable for those who stayed to the end.  It was probably really memorable for people parked at the meters.  I wonder what those people did as the clock ticked down.  I also wonder about the local businesses in the area.  I can’t see them getting much business after this game. 

Whatever.  The crowd was into every pitch for most of the game and seemed to be enjoying themselves.  There’s was even a singing contest between one side of the stadium and the other during one mid-inning.  I’ve still got questions about this whole enterprise, but at least everything got off on the right foot.  I was very pleased to have heard the game, and I think most of the fans in attendance had a good time, which is what this is all about.  

Fantasy Core Adventure: Diamond Temple Part 1

DIAMOND TEMPLE

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Encounter 1: Lookout

The group observes two men who look like pirates, standing guard outside of the cave mouth, which the characters need to enter.  They’re not very observant, actually a bit drunk from passing jug back and forth.  The players can decide how they want to deal with them, as their characters are currently hidden in the forest brush surrounding the cave.

They will attempt to warn the others if given the opportunity, unless convinced otherwise, though they are not really in the mood for a fight.

Two Pirates

HD 1, Hp 6, AC 12 (leather)

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: Cutlass +2 to hit, 1d6+1

Ranged: Crossbow +1 to hit, 1d6

Encounter 2: The Door

While checking out the cave, Captain Bart noticed an apparent secret door in the cave wall.  He and the group are trying to figure out how to open it.  The characters will get the drop on them if they have taken care of the lookouts.  The pirates are fugitives and desperate, but not stupid.  They might be willing to deal.  Certainly the possibility of treasure would intrigue them.

The secret door is stone and while it’s pretty obviously there, the mechanism to open it is tricky.  It requires a DC 12 Lockpicking check, or a DC 18 Int check (highest Int bonus rolls, anyone with a +1 Int bonus adds +1 to the attempt). 

Three Pirates

HD 1, Hp 6, AC 12 (leather)

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: Cutlass +2 to hit, 1d6+1

Ranged: Crossbow +1 to hit, 1d6

Pirate Captain Bart

HD 2, Hp 12, AC 13 (leather)

Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +1

Melee: Longsword +4 to hit, 1d8+2

Encounter 3: Ghouls

The first thing the characters will notice upon entering is the smell.  It is grave death awful.  It permeates all of the caves.  The caverns are rough-hewn, but show obvious signs of use.  There are two scraggly, emaciated bodies lying out in the middle of the chamber.  They slowly come to life as they smell the approach of the party.  They are Ghouls, but haven’t been fed in a while and are thus weakened.  Hungry as they are, they’re smart enough to run to the north if overmatched.    

Two Ghouls

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 14

Fort +0, Ref +2, Will +5

Melee: Bite +2 to hit, 1d6+1 + DC 12 Fort Sv or paralyzed 1 turn

Encounter 4: More Ghouls

Two more Ghouls in a similar condition are here.  These are hanging from the wall however.  It is DC 12 Detection to notice them, otherwise they’ll leap down for a surprise attack.  Again, they’ll run to the north if being beaten.

Two Ghouls

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 14

Fort +0, Ref +2, Will +5

Melee: Bite +2 to hit, 1d6+1 + DC 12 Fort Sv or paralyzed 1 turn

Encounter 5: Underground Stream

This high-ceiling chamber has a stream running into and out of it.  If you’d like to connect this dungeon to something larger, wading upstream to the north, voices can be heard.  However, the passage is too small to fit through.  Perhaps with some proper tools, it could be opened up.  

Sports Journal 4-27-14

Baseball:

I hate to start this by backtracking to last week.  During the Chihuahua’s game last Sunday, Tim mentioned that the Isotopes were having an interesting game in Salt Lake City Bees.  Specifically, they scored 11 runs in the first inning.  Listening to updates, I felt compelled to get the final score.  Albuquerque ended up winning by two runs, 13 to 11.  Feel bad for anybody who left early. 

I was able to listen to some of the day game on Tuesday.  The dogs were in Las Vegas playing the 51’s.  They’re named after Area 51.  Their mascot is an alien named Cosmo.  Talk about giving “Chihuahuas” a run for their money in dumb naming.  It was windy there that day, mostly from the swinging bats of the players, to the tune of 21 to 9, 51’s winning.  I let my dad know about the day game, and he was able to listen to whole thing.  He liked Tim Hagerty’s call a lot.  I suspect Tim has won over a lot of listeners.  Dad also told me that he kept listening to game just to see how many runs were going to get scored.  I’m chalking up these blowouts to the extended road trip.  At least Jeff Francoeur got the opportunity to keep his 0.00 ERA going and added a strikeout.

During the week, some guy named Al hit his 500^th home run.  I remember him.  I thought this guy retired?  He seemed to disappear off the face of the earth a couple of years ago for some reason.  Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda finally got a few days off, though it took him a second attempt to finally get caught for pinetar usage.  It was only slightly less blatant than Bond’s steroid usage.  I got to listen to several great, close Ranger games this week.  I’ve been enjoying radio coverage a lot this year, because whenever I watch baseball on TV all they talk about is THE SHIFT, THE SHIFT, and THE SHIFT.  Let me tell you, I’m sick of this shift!  Okay, they’re shifting.  I get it.  We all get it.  Move on.  Shift topics.  

Sunday the Chihuahuas were playing the Sacramento River Cats.  Now there’s a minor league team name!  You know, names like the Mountain Sharks, or the Desert Grasshoppers, or the Flying Rhinos, or the Surfing Bears!  (I just made those up, but I can see it now.  A guy in a bear suit, wearing a pair of jams, named “Cowabunga.”)  The dogs started the ill-named Billy Buckner in his first appearance for the team.  He did well and nothing rolled between his legs.  The River Cats had Phil Humber pitching for them late in the game.

That Phil Humber.  The last I saw him, he was with the Astros.  I’ve taken some potshots at Humber (in some other posts), but the guy did pitch a perfect game. Unlike every other perfect game, I got to see this one happen live. (Almost got to hear another on the radio with Yu Darvish.) I’ve never been more nervous in my life watching a baseball game. Every pitch was life or death/End of the World stuff. That was really a thrill.  The box score was actually clipped from the newspaper the next day and is in a shoe box in my apartment.

I’m sure Tim talked about Humber (and it’s pronounced “Umber,” by the way), but I didn’t hear it.  Unfortunately, in what will be an ongoing scheduling issue on Sundays, the NMSU Aggie baseball team and the Rangers were also playing.  I started flipping back and forth and basically couldn’t follow any of the action.  When will I learn?  The Aggies lost badly again.  The Rangers had the lead late, but lost.  The dogs had the lead late, nearly lost it, but managed to hold on 6-5.

Okay, here we go for Monday and the big debut.  Tim was asking about the weather and which way the wind will be blowing at the new stadium.  He said that many of the dogs had never been to El Paso, so this will be a homecoming and an introduction.  Some fans wanted to know when the team would be arriving so they could greet them.  For the Sun Bowl, both teams usually get a Mariachi band and Folklorico dancers, but it’s going to probably going to be a little too late for that to happen here.  It’ll happen during the day’s events.  KROD will be during their local sports talk from the stadium.  At least one TV station will be doing their newscasts from there.  I fully intend on listening.  Everyone was in high spirits for this adventure.  (Cue ominous music.)     

NASCAR:

I don’t really get those Sprint “Framily” commercials.  They’re weird.  I don’t understand them.  However, that Jeff Gordon with the gerbil commercial was hysterical.  Jeff has perhaps done enough media that he can now “act.”  If that’s the case, I demand to see him in more clever commercials like this.

Oh, the race itself?  Pshaw!  Don’t be an old fuddy-duddy NASCAR fan, demanding to see a “race.”  The enjoyment of the broadcast is in the “experience.”  It’s not just cars driving fast and turning left.  In fact, it’s not even totally essential to the broadcast.  The sponsorship is just as entertaining as any “race.”  So, I’ll just be commentating on the commercials from on now on.

 Okay, in spite of being assured in the pre-race that tires would not be an issue here, tires were the issue at Richmond.  Tires blew and caught on fire.  The closing laps were exciting as multiple drivers battled hard.  Joey Logano would win his second race of the year.  Tempers flared on track.  There would be on track, post-race retaliation and a fight in the pits. 

Seems like we’ve checked all the boxes on great NASCAR race, except for a large multi-car wreck, which we’ll be doing next week at Talledega.  You’ll get to see it on replay, after the commercial break is over.  NASCAR has finally found a way to keep races interesting and unpredictable, exploding Goodyears.  The best races so far this season have mostly involved “Darlington-esqe” tire issues adding drama to every lap.  You have to admit, it’s an equalizer.      

Hockey:

I’ve been enjoying the Saturday afternoon hockey, though when baseball was on the radio on Sunday, I had trouble paying attention to the two hockey games that were on.  So, hockey hasn’t replaced baseball with me.  One thing that did fatigue my viewing this weekend was that all three games were exactly the same match ups as last weekend.  If any of these series had ended during the week, I wonder if they would have shown a different series or nothing at all?  I wonder if it would have completely depended upon who else was playing?

Random Notes:

There were two NFL draft shows on two different networks on Saturday (that I know of).  During the NASCAR pre-race, they had the drivers promoting the NFL.  RG III was there on a pitbox during the race.  Is there really enough significant betting action on the draft to merit this kind of attention?  I can’t believe anybody would really care about this unless they had money riding on it.       

There was a motocross race on Sunday that was held in the NFL stadium in New Jersey (nobody pays me to mention the stadium sponsor).  I didn’t watch it (which was likely yet another poor viewing choice on my part), but it looked like a full house.  Other races I’ve seen were similarly packed.  Just an observation.

Oh, and I’ve figured out this Donald Sterling thing in the NBA.  Let’s see, this guy has been well known for his “colorful” opinions on people for quite a long time.  His soon to be estranged girlfriend was recording their conversation where she was goading him into clearly stating his opinions.  This was after she seen hanging out with Magic Johnson, who is part of owner of the Dodgers.  I’ll let you connect the dots, but don’t be surprised if we all see Magic being announced as the next owner of the Clippers in the near future.  His arm will be in a sling at the time from an injury sustained from patting himself on the back too hard.   

Oh, lookee here!  Just to confirm my theory.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/darrenheitner/2014/04/28/magic-johnson-and-al-sharpton-weigh-in-on-donald-sterling-situation/

Review of Community Season 5-Part 3

Previously

"Government Issue Jeff"

First, can this episode be considered canonical GI Joe?  I mean they introduced some new characters and a new vehicle and even had a commercial for them.  Second, it was a spot on parody of the 80’s cartoon and actually had a purpose within the context of the show and the characters.  Unfortunately, it was as flat and aging fanboy-wanking as the D&D episode.  I showed part of this episode to a younger co-worker who loves the show.  He’d never seen the old GI Joe cartoon and probably just thought they were being silly. 

I can totally relate to Jeff having a crisis because he’s turning 40, and I’m familiar with the cartoon.  I was right in the wheelhouse of this episode’s target audience, but all I could see was just another wasted opportunity to do something really special.  This might have worked better as a rapid-fire nostalgia trip with GI Joe just being a short segment (definitely keeping the commercials).  If Annie had somehow been along for that kind of trip, it might have been better.  Jeff’s revelation about his age was quite a shock for her, another twist in their relationship.  For that matter, when do we get to see Alison Brie in that "Tight Ship" outfit in reality?  

I really missed Troy and Pierce here.  If this story felt as flat and functionary as the animation, it was because these two weren’t there.  I kept waiting for Troy to pop up and say something funny, or Pierce to say something racist and make a bad situation worse. 

“Basic Story”

The “Save Greendale” Committee has suddenly succeeded in cleaning up Greendale.  As soon as the college is pronounced to have some monetary value, it is immediately sold to a sponsor, err Subway.  By the end of the episode, a possible solution has been in the form of the hidden treasure of the school’s founder.  This was mostly filler to set up the finale.  The only event that made it worthwhile was Jeff’s impulsive proposal to Britta, and her acceptance.  On some level, the whole series sort of lead up to that moment.  Here, at last, is a happy, meaningful change to the Study Group.    

“Basic Sandwich”

Jeff and Britta’s marriage is hand-waved away with a joke.  Yeah, I saw that coming by the end of last week’s show.  We all did.  I’m not a Jeff/Britta-shipper, but I was kind of hoping they’d actually go through with it.  Musing on the possibilities for Season Six, I thought Jeff going out with Annie might be interesting, but not after this tease.  We do however get the impression by the ending that that may be happening next season. 

The group finds the school’s founder (a funny and almost unrecognizable Chris Elliot) hiding in a secret annex and is able to save the school from Subway.  Here’s where I’d like to give an unqualified “thumbs up” for this episode.  It was funny, fast-paced, and ended on a really upbeat, satisfying note.  It’s impossible not to smile at the end as Jeff brings the gavel down on group’s last meeting for the season.  The funniest bit on the show, in contrast to most every other episode this season, was the ending teaser.  It was a fake NBC promo for mid-season replacement shows next year.  I guess this is some sort explanation as to how this low-rated, creatively running dry show is somehow assured of coming back.  That, and their sponsorship-friendly episodes, that pretty much pay for themselves, and syndication is lucrative.

I’d like to recommend it, but I can’t totally.  The group is functionally whittled down to Jeff, the Dean, Britta, Annie, and Abed in this episode.  Worse, Abed’s bits in this were so meta and so forced, they were painful to watch.  He’s not even part of the group anymore.  He’s like some troll-ish Internet blogger sarcastically commenting on the show.  I HATE people like that! 

Greendale has been saved.  Community is coming back.  I find myself sort of dreading watching next season though, but here’s some predictions.  They’ve foreshadowed a “Freeze Tag” episode.  I think they will establish a “new” study group with new characters, probably as a season-long gag.  (Think Paper Chase.  Jeff is a law teacher after all.  He could be sort of a slacker Professor Kingsfield.)  Abed will get a new permanent partner, because his character doesn’t work right by himself.  Troy will return, briefly.  Jeff, Britta, and Annie’s relationship will be the main storyline.  No surprise there, since this will be the last season.  Given that Veronica Mars got a movie, you can expect a Kickstarter campaign to start during the season.  And finally, I predict, in spite of my misgivings, I will be watching.

Here’s a few suggestions.  In spite of the lack of Troy, there needs to be an Inspector Spacetime episode.  This will only be for the purpose of getting Karen Gillan as a guest star.  The Dean only has two jokes.  He’s not cross-dressing anymore, so that’s one.  While the Dean’s Coyote-Roadrunner-like pursuit of Jeff is amusing, it’s also played out.  Do something a little different with him.  Britta’s character has gotten nothing but dumber and dumber, especially in this last season.  Please give her a little more brains, and give Annie a real job.  How about a Rollerball homage?  (Shrugs.  Another John Houseman reference.)  Just a suggestion.        

I hate to say it, but there needs to be a few more subtractions on the show.  Chang is totally played out.  Please phase him out.  You may as well get rid of Shirley if you’re going to keep under-using her.  Hickey is a good character, but he just doesn’t fit in on this show and is a major depressant.  Abed, as he currently is, has got to go.  I’d like to see him somehow get serious as a filmmaker, but I think that it would require him to have some sort of life-changing experience.  With Abed, that could be anything, such as him meeting the director of Kickpuncher, and getting some advice from him.      

Lastly, a question.  

Britta 

or Annie? 

Hmm. 

I don’t think I could choose between the two, not easily anyway.  Very attractive either way.  

  

Review of Community Season 5-Part 2

Previously

"Geothermal Escapism"

Another campus-wide contest that out the worst in everyone.  In the last episode, Troy received Pierce’s inheritance on the condition that he sail his yacht around the world.  As a send-off, Abed organizes a campus-wide game of “Hot Lava” to send him off.  He puts up a valuable comic to the last person standing.  Chaos ensues. 

Umm.  Yeah.  You’re thinking what I’m thinking.  They went to the well once too often.  The Waterworld-ish homage was kinda amusing though.  What did work here was the ending where Troy says goodbye to everyone.  There was some genuine sadness there.  The sadness would continue for the rest of the season.     

"Analysis of Cork-Based Networking"

Annie’s effort to put up a new bulletin board in the cafeteria runs smack into Greendale’s maintenance bureaucracy.  There was a radio show in the 80’s called Visit New Grimston Anyway.  It might be thought of an Ur-Community prototype: eccentric cast, wacky situations, a few emotional, dramatic moments. This episode somewhat reminds me of the first episode of New Grimston, where the new employee, Neil, joins the city government.  He spends the entire first episode trying to get the window in his office open and running smack into the maintenance bureaucracy.  I wish I could link to something here, but the show may be gone forever and unremembered.         

Briefly, it seemed like the show could still work without Pierce and Troy.  Hickey could work as the cranky old man.  Rachel, as Abed’s girlfriend, could fill in for Troy.  They weren’t bad characters or performances.  They just don’t fit on the show.  Hickey is too damn depressing to be funny.  Rachel is adorable, but Abed having a normal girlfriend, defeats his character’s zeitgeist.  Having Abed sort of “grow up” (for whatever that’s worth), I get, from a narrative standpoint.  From a sitcom standpoint, it’s poison.  Save the well-adjusted Abed for the last episode of the series to put a bow on it.  In the meantime, keep going with the wacky.  This show has its dramatic and poignant moments, but they only work because of comedy.  The characters won’t work in a quasi-drama.     

I totally missed the news ticker message upon my original viewing.  Troy has apparently been captured by pirates.  Cool.  Unfortunately, that’s all we hear about it. 

"Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality"

It seems like this episode and the next should have come after Troy’s departure, with the Bulletin Board one coming after them.  I can guess why they were shown out-of-order, if that’s the case.  In spite of the provocative title, this episode was just terribly depressing.  Given that the show would be off for a couple of weeks for the Olympics, if they’d left off with this unhappy episode, no casual viewer would have returned.  This one shouldn’t have been made, but I get the impression there was a personal message here, but who cares?

I’m not even going to bother with even a two-sentence plot summary, because there wasn’t one.  If you wanted to miss Troy, this was the episode to wallow in it.  Possibly the most heartbreaking moment of the series: Abed, alone in the study room, glancing over at Troy’s empty chair. 

"App Development and Condiments"

Another campus-wide contest brings out the worst in everyone. 

Stop me if you’ve heard that recently.  At least it’s a different premise in that it’s essentially a popularity contest.

Greendale tries out a new social media app that allows people to rate each other.  What could go wrong?  This should have been a great concept episode, but it fell flat as it felt way too rushed in story development.  Our dystopian social media future seems ripe for parody, especially when combined with other cinematic visions.  Britta and Shirley took center stage interacting with Jeff here, but unfortunately their characters have been so diminished this season, they just couldn’t carry it.  Britta and Jeff couldn’t even really work up any sparks together.  However, mad props for putting Leonard in a Sandman outfit. 

"VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing"

Another episode where we’re missing Troy.  Annie and Abed are having a contest to see whether her brother or his girlfriend moves in with them.  It just didn’t work at all, especially in that depressing little apartment (which is used again as the main set in the next episode).  Worse, the subplot could have made for a great episode by itself.  The rest of the group comes across something valuable and tries to fence it and end up turning on each other.  Unfortunately, this really would have required Pierce to do properly.  Now that this homage has been used, it can only be used again as an obvious retread.  Speaking of which…

"Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons"

Jeff: “Abed, you’re not helping.”

Abed: “I’d be a pretty bad Dungeon Master if I was.”

What game of D&D has there ever been where the DM made all of the die rolls?  Hell, I wouldn’t trust myself in that situation, much less any group of players.  Well, just to be fair, I do sort of get why Abed is doing all of the die rolling.  It’s to move the plot along a bit quicker, rather than having everyone roll and then respond.  Their D&D is a bit like Inspector Spacetime.  It’s not really much of a Doctor Who parody, but that’s not really the point of it.  Unlike that last time, at least they made the game look fun.

Hickey and the group are playing the game so that he can bond with his d*ckish son.  That’s an unpromising premise.  Maybe I’m too hard on this episode because I’m a player.  I didn’t like the first one either (except for the part where Annie describes seducing the elf maid).  This wasn’t a bad episode, just disappointing.

It’s a pity this episode wasn’t coordinated more with the release of 5^th edition.  (Abed is holding the playtest book at the end.)  Let’s say someone, who knew nothing about the game, was inspired to give it a try because of this episode.  What would they get?  4^th edition is the only thing available in the stores and the newest version online.  If you wanted the rulebooks that were used in the two D&D episodes, you’d have to find out that they were older editions and could only get them off of a website.  Would you want an older edition?  “What’s the difference between editions?” a noob might ask.  “Do I really need miniatures?  They didn’t use them on the show.”  And so on.

This is turning into an RPG post, but screw it.  Dungeons & Dragons as a pencil and paper RPG has really got an uphill climb at this point.  It has a bad reputation in the media.  Not demonic influence mind you, there’s a dozen popular, critically acclaimed cable shows that have that.  What I mean is that only socially-maladjusted weirdoes play this game.  Moreover, for the price of one of the new books, you could get a computer game that simulates the experience.  For that matter, you’ll need several books, and you’ll have to do all of the work yourself in order to enjoy the game. 

Continued

Review of Community Season 5-Part 1

I’ll be the first to admit that I was late to this party.  I hadn’t heard of Community until Season Four, when a bunch of fanboys on nerd websites started bitching about it.  I didn’t start watching it until it went into syndication, right before Season Five started.  The first episode I watched was Accounting for Lawyers. I had no idea about the setting or any character knowledge and yet, was completely floored.  I sat there watching with my mouth open the entire time.  I was in the act of laughing, but the jokes were so rapid fire, I was afraid to start doing so that I might miss something.  Then the next episode came on right after, Basic Rocket Science, rifting off of one of my favorite movies, The Right Stuff.  

Suddenly I had a new favorite show, which I talked about incessantly.  I was able to get a co-worker to watch with me one night.  He started laughing immediately, with only slightly more show knowledge than I started with.  While he’s only watched a couple more episodes, he’s still occasionally quoting from what he’s seen. 

I have little qualifications to review this show.  I’m not a long-time fan.  I still haven’t seen every episode (working on it).  I thought Season Four was funny.  I really don’t get the animus against it.  Yeah, the show’s creator, Dan Harmon, wasn’t there, but so what?  It was still good.  Are you a fan of the show, or Harmon?  Well, he’s back for Season Five at everyone’s request.  One would be tempted to map out the show and its characters as has been done with Hideaki Anno and his anime show, Evangelion.  (Anno is Shinji.  Rei is the audience.  Etc.)  Abed is Dan.  The “Save Greendale” storyline is Dan trying to “save” the show after Season Four.     

If the Season Four was the “Gas Leak” year, Season Five is the “Suicide Watch” year.  The show’s return has been mostly joyless and depressing.  Chevy Chase’s departure should, theoretically, have not hurt the show.  And yet, the will-reading episode, where it was like he was there, was probably the best episode of the season.  The inherently depressing Hickey, more of less replaced him. 

Troy’s leaving was going to hurt, but we had no idea badly.  Watching some older episodes, I had the epiphany that Troy was my favorite character.  Donald Glover had a unique ability to take even the dumbest lines and make them hysterical.  Troy and Abed worked so well together, but Troy had enough depth that he could carry stories by himself (unlike Abed).  

Chang was brought back, unfortunately, as an evil mastermind (okay, perhaps an oxymoronically dimwitted one) reduced to a strange annoyance.  The flimsy concept of the study group was replaced with the “Save Greendale” committee.  I could see Jeff somehow ironically (or karmically) ending up back at the college as a teacher.  The rest of the cast, especially Chang, coming back was a real stretch.  What should have been an opportunity to clean house and start over with a new concept, just got recycled and shoehorned into the same old thing, but with missing pieces.       

In my mind, the main problem with this show is that somewhat poor name.  Whatever relevant connotations it has in relation to the show, it’s weak and vague.  Worse, it’s been paired up with the equally badly named, Parks and Rec, forming an hour-long block of inherent disinterest.  At least it has this going for it.  Everyone who sees this show for the first time, immediately says the same thing, “Hey, it’s that guy from The Soup.”  Even I, a guy who doesn’t watch The Soup, recognized Joel Mchale as such.  He is the show, thankfully he’s pretty good in it. 

"Repilot"

At least things started off well.  Jeff and group leave Greendale and find themselves to be total failures outside it.  In the process of blaming the school, Jeff is drafted as a new teacher.  The group re-enrolls and forms the “Save Greendale” committee.  It’s a flimsy premise, but could have worked.  At least it made more sense than the Study Group.    

"Introduction to Teaching"

Here we see Jeff getting off to a shaky start as a slacker teacher, but pulling it together by the end of the show, as he demonstrates that he does have some knowledge worth passing along.  Unfortunately, this is all we get to see as Jeff as a teacher. 

Is anyone else intrigued by this story potential?  You’d think this would be a wide-open opportunity to at least have an episode with a new study group of characters in his class that has a totally different perspective on the “Greendale Seven.”  From a geek angle, it could mirror the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, “Lower Decks.”  Regardless of missed chances, this episode’s enjoyment squarely rests on an insane Abed doing a flat-out nuts Nicolas Cage impersonation for 30 seconds.    

"Basic Intergluteal Numismatics"

For sheer mood, this one is also a winner.  Jeff and Annie continue their off-and-on flirtation in the context of a police procedural-like search for the “Ass-Crack Bandit.”  It’s clever as heck and a total spoof of any number of serial killer movies.  Unfortunately, in what would set the tone for the rest of the season, news of Pierce’s death suddenly intrudes at the end.  It’s almost like they were afraid to let the audience enjoy an entire episode.          

  

"Cooperative Polygraphy"

This was it.  This was the last great episode of Community.  It was a total “Bottle” episode, highlighted by the group at each other’s throats, as usual.  Somehow, no matter how many times it’s done, this setup works for the show.  It was so poignant because this would be the last time they could really do it correctly.  This was the reading of Pierce’s will to the group as they are all hooked up to a polygraph.  Troy was still in cast, and while Pierce was gone, he was certainly there in spirit.  From here, everything goes downhill. 

Continued

Bullfighting Report

Yes, really.  I flipped around the stations after the Charlie Brown special on Sunday night and ran into a live bullfight on a Juarez station.  Live.  In all my years of watching Mexican television, I have NEVER seen this. 

I came in at the end of one bout.  The bull was, well, kinda small.  He spent most of his time trying to run away from the matador.  For his part, the matador did at least finish things very cleanly with a sword thrust and the bull died immediately.

I got to see the entirety of the next bout.  The matador was interviewed beforehand.  (The bull declined.)  For the beginning of the fight, the bullfighter sat on his knees in front of the bull chute, holding his cape out in front of him.  Oh My God!  A large, angry bull suddenly burst out and the matador barely dodged him.  This is a larger bull.  I’ve seen bigger, but I would not be comfortable in an enclosed space with this bull. 

The matador was able dance around him for a while, tiring him, before the lancer came out on an armored horse.  The bull got the worst of this engagement.  If you think a cape isn’t a lot of protection against a charging bull, try a pair of small javelins.  The matador managed to jab two sets of these into the bull’s shoulders.  The matador returned with a cape, and while the bull was in the act of dying, he was more dangerous.  The bullfighter got a little too close and was trampled briefly.  The TV coverage gave several replays of this.   

Here was the greatest act of courage, in my opinion.  The matador was not injured, but went back to face the bull.  He returned with a sword for the final act and drove it hilt deep between the beast’s shoulders.  This did not finish him off.  It got him good and angry.  The matador went at him with three more swords, nearly getting gored each time.  Finally, the bull laid down, beaten.  Another matador finished him with a dagger to the back of the head.    

Strangely, I didn’t feel sorry for the bull.  The average domesticated bull goes down with a shot to the head, never seeing it coming.  The fighting bull is not leaving the ring alive, but at least has a chance to die well, perhaps even taking out a tormentor or two.  “Sometimes the bull wins,” as they say.  Given the anger they display, if you could ask them, this is probably how they’d want to go. 

For the bullfighter, it’s an act of courage, bordering on insanity.  I read a Sports Illustrated article once, profiling a matador.  The list of this man’s injuries was chilling.  He'd broken nearly every bone in his body and had had even testicles torn out.  No one accuses a matador of doing what they do because they hate bulls.  Like a big game hunter, they respect their opponent.  Likewise, the audience respects the bull too.  They admire the matador’s courage and skill.  They know the bull is doomed, but very capable of ensuring a tragic end for the bullfighter.  It’s not a sport, it’s actual life and death.

I suppose I won’t sound very enlightened to say that I’d watch this again given the opportunity.  Not for the blood or potential death (that’s what UFC is for), but there was a certain brave artistry to it.  Don’t feel bad for the bull.  If he didn’t enter the ring, he was surely going to be slaughtered at some point anyway.  Certainly the bullfighter has the advantage in the ring, but it’s not like he’s going in with a gun.  There’s no subtlety of hunting either.  The combatants can see one another clearly.  If the matador wants cover, he has to run for it.  This wasn’t just interesting, it was thought-provoking.  Somehow, the hyperboles of other sports are probably going to ring a little hollow with me for a while.

Here's a view of the stadium.

The image is from this blog, by a person who clearly knows more about this sport than I do.  It's from a couple of years ago.  There are many other pictures there.

Sports Journal 4-20-14

[I’m taking another week off from RPG’s, though there will be more coming.  Tomorrow’s post will be about a sport that I never thought I’d be covering.  After that, I’m reviewing Community Season 5 for the rest of the week.]

Hockey:

NBC scheduled three playoff games over the weekend which I caught.  The Saturday afternoon one between the Blues and the Blackhawks was particularly good.  The Blues got a literal last-second goal to end the first period and a goal with six seconds left in regulation to tie it, winning in OT 4-3.  If you put it to me, I’ll admit that this game was probably better than any given baseball game that day. 

That said, I’ve only been watching Saturday afternoon baseball for like over 20 years.  Props to NBC for making the most of a non-golf tournament weekend where the network competition had vacated the field.  Some temporarily scheduled hockey is no substitute though.  Meanwhile, I don’t know about your Fox affiliate, but mine shows crappy movies in these situations.  Really crappy.  I don’t think I’ve ever watched a weekend afternoon movie on their station.  They’re fairly recent movies (within 10 years) that have stars in them you know, but movies that you’d never pay full ride to see in a theater, if you’ve even heard of them.  Then they showed King of Queens (no complaint there) and some informercials.  You can’t tell me, baseball was getting worse ratings than this crap (and please don’t tell me if it was).

As long as hockey is the topic, I’d like to praise the NHL for moment.  They’ve made some rules changes that have really helped the game.  First, no substitutions on Icing calls.  I know that seems minor, but it is a God-send to the viewers.  Teams used to Ice the puck all the time to change lines, and it just killed the rhythm of the game.  Next, moving the Blue lines back helped the offense and offside calls.  Going to the 4 on 4 OT and Shoot-out were also great ideas.  Anything to avoid a tie.  I also appreciate the lack of constant commercial interruption, unlike other sports (ahem NASCAR).

I’d like to offer a few suggestions though.  Work on those camera angles.  Vary them up a little.  It’ll make the rink advertising on the other side more valuable.  A single, panning camera sort of works for basketball because it’s a much small playing surface.  With hockey, you’re missing too much.  I swear that most of the games I’ve watched have gone into Overtime.  If that’s representative, it defeats the purpose of calling it Overtime.  How about going 4 on 4 if it’s ever tied in the Third Period?  Finally, and this should be obvious, no more labor problems.  You NHL guys are lucky that people love hockey so much, because you really should be out of business.

Fighting:

I’ll probably keep watching the occasional fight, but I’m not commenting on them anymore, unless I get a decent show.  I watched Fox’s UFC Saturday night fight.  (Yeah, they can put this on, but not baseball).  I saw my first women’s bout.  Bottom line, it just doesn’t appeal to me.  Admittedly, a couple of the women do, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them hitting each other.  This wasn’t worse fight I’ve seen, and it was a bit different than a men’s match, but not to my preference.  I don’t know who the target audience is for women’s fighting.  I don’t think it appeals to most men.  Women, who are fight fans, want to watch the guys too. 

The main bout started off excellently.  You didn’t just hear how hard these guys were hitting each other, you felt it.  Seconds after they mentioned the favorite in the fight had never been pinned, he was pinned.  Unfortunately, the challenger clearly won the first three rounds of the five round match, and the two combatants essentially stopped fighting to win.  The loser was too winded after the first round to attack (he was literally looking up at the clock waiting for the fight to end), and the winner just played it safe.  I’m deliberately not using the names of the fighters in a show of deliberate disrespect, the same they showed to the audience.  Neither of them had ever fought for a full five rounds, and that was obvious.   

Speaking of deliberate disrespect, I also watched a boxing match between Bernard Hopkins and some Asian-looking fellow named Shumenov, from a country whose flag I couldn’t identify (the broadcast was in Spanish).  Hopkins was clearly taking the bout very seriously as he came out wearing a little green alien mask.  He also stuck his tongue out during the match, wound up his fist like Popeye once, and generally taunted his way through the fight.  The other guy shouted out every time he threw a punch.  Seems like a bit of a tell there.  And they went at it like that for 12 rounds.  The judges’ decision. . . AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  (Deep breath.)  AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I’ve just wasted my night watching another boxing match without a decisive win!  Hopkins really shouldn’t have been acting like an ass.  He only won on a split decision.

Baseball:

It was a little sparse this weekend.  I wasn’t getting good reception to listen to the Rangers games.  I did hear the Chihuahuas get creamed Sunday afternoon, 11-4.  The highlight of the game was veteran outfielder, Jeff Francoeur, getting his first pitching experience.  He pitched a 1-2-3 8^th inning, smiling the entire time.

Meanwhile, the good people of El Paso have been repeatedly assured that the stadium will be ready next week for its debut.  Tim even reported that the Chihuahua’s opponents for the home opener are excited about being there.  Work is continuing around the clock.  Speaking of which, the large clock that was on Insights children’s museum that they dynamited to put the stadium, has been re-installed on the stadium.  Isn’t that nice? 

I saw a news report where the police are concerned that they’re going to have to pull officers off their regular patrols to provide security at the stadium on game nights.  You know, booting cars at expired meters, setting up DWI checkpoints next to the stadium, handing out a bunch of traffic tickets, you know, lucrative security.  So the good union workers are getting plenty of overtime working on the stadium and so will the police, along with another tax referendum being set up to pay for more officers.

I question the parking situation downtown, now that I know more about it.  For fans, clearly the park and ride bus service from various parts of town, seems like the best deal for $3.  A parking garage or lot would be the next best, but it doesn’t look like there’s much in the area.  I also suspect those are mostly reserved, and not for regular fans.  The last resort would be the 1800 newly installed parking meters.  They say you’ll get 4 hours for $10, but you’ll have to parallel park in the street and trust the meter and keep an eye on the clock.

I thought local entertainment businesses downtown were supposed to benefit from the games being there though.  If you’re taking the bus or parked at a meter, you’re not sticking around downtown after the game (not that you’d want to anyway).  They should blown up a few more buildings in the area to put up some more parking garages.  Of course, if they get lousy fan support after the first week, parking won’t matter that much. 

The best baseball game I saw was the animated feature, Charlie Brown’s All-Stars.  This one was either the second or third Peanuts cartoon special, so it’s really old (though the print for the broadcast was crystal clear).  I’ve never seen it.  Given how big a fan I am, that means it’s probably been decades since it’s been broadcast. 

This was Old School Peanuts.  They were cheerfully cruel to old Charlie Brown in this.  It was also really funny, and there was a sweet ending for it.  I recognized the old comic strips they used as a basis for the story.  It was tightly focused on baseball and was stitched together well.  Definitely watch this if you get the chance.