Memorial Day-Vacation Sports Journal 2014 Part 1

Thursday

Today’s Meal: McAllister’s Deli, Sweetberry Chicken Sandwich from the Secret Menu and a Mixed-Berry Lemonade.  The sandwich was fine, though not as good as the two other items I’ve had from the Secret Menu: the Patriot and the Godfather.  I blame the bellyache on the fact that I didn’t stop when I was full.  The Lemonade was a disappointment.  It was just okay.  Given how good their sweet tea is, I was expecting more, especially after they’d been sold out the last three times I’d tried to order it. 

NMSU Aggie Baseball

I listened to their first WAC tournament game Wednesday night.  It started a bit after 8:00 and ended at midnight in gut-wrenching defeat.  They’d lead comfortably for most of the game only to lose it in the bottom of the 8^th.  Final score 11-10 against City State Directional Tech (who cares who they’re playing).  Today’s game in the Loser’s bracket (I assume there’s a more politically correct name for that, but I don’t know what it is), the Aggies bounced back 7-3, which means I’ll be able to hear them tomorrow.  Of note, one of Aggies uses a wooden bat.  Apparently none of the BBCor bats were heavy enough for his tastes.

Texas Rangers

I started listening to the Rangers’ day game on Wednesday, only to lose reception early on.  I was enjoying today’s day game, where they were whipping up on the Tigers, when the same thing happened.  A co-worker has suggested a neighbor is probably experimenting with a Tesla Coil.  I went to McAllister’s because they were the only nearby restaurant open before the game.  I started listening to the Aggie game, because I couldn’t hear the Rangers, and I had an upset stomach the whole time.  This wasn’t the best way to start a vacation. 

One thing I did hear was that the Rangers have gotten some new radio sponsorship for challenge calls.  Oh, how I’ve loved watching the manager-umpire hokey-pokey dance while they’re trying to decide if they want to challenge or not.  I knew (and presumably everyone else) that this would turn into some stupid gamesmanship ploy.  I just didn’t know it’d be this bad.  And rest assured, it’ll get worse.  The time it takes New York umps to make the call, doesn’t include the wait times for the challenge/no challenge decisions.  Gee, I wonder if games are going to slow down and last longer because of this? 

Washington Redskins

I’m so gratified that the Senate, who couldn’t be bothered to take up a bill about cleaning out bad employees from the Veterans Administration, did find time to condemn and demand a name change for the local NFL team.  I’ve got handful of much more offensive names that would be way more appropriate to represent Washington DC.  Instead, I’ll suggest a completely inoffensive name that will appeal to children, just like the Chihuahuas: The Washington Toy Poodles.  There’s the Toy Poodles now charging out on to the field in their pink and white uniforms with their adorable mascot, Fifi! 

As a Dallas Cowboy fan (I know I’m pretty quiet about that but I haven’t had a lot to cheer about for the last, oh, decade), I hate the Redskins and look on with complete amusement at this situation.  On the other hand, the Redskins do have a pretty good national fanbase who do care and probably don’t want the name changed.  According to the last known poll on the subject, somewhere upwards of 90% of the people of being theoretically directly offended by the name, don’t care about it.  So who doesn’t like the name, and why are the rest of us listening to them?

I can see it now.  “It’s a game-winning, last second field goal!  The Toy Poodles have beaten the Cowboys!”  (JDH417, watching the game, grits his teeth.)  “G*d*mnit!  And the name change has made this loss a thousand times worse!”   

El Paso Chihuahuas

The dogs were out of town and KROD powered down for the evening before their West coast game came on, and I don’t have an Internet connection at home.  But, I do have some news to report.

One of the Tim’s guests during the dogs’ first home day baseball game has posted his review of the new ballpark.  He’s got the dramatic, sudden history of the stadium here, a bunch of pictures here, and a review of the food here.  Short story, he liked the place a lot.

I’ve also got a couple of reviews from people at work, who’ve gone to games.  Yes, the dogs have got some appeal here, up the road, in Las Cruces.  Both people who’ve gone very much enjoyed the experience and were highly impressed with the facility.  Both had no trouble parking across the street in the parking garage, which I find heartening.  The only complaint that both had was the high price of concessions.  No complaints about the food itself, which was great. 

One of the girls was irritated that she didn’t get to see enough of “Chico,” just barely getting a glimpse.  Given that she didn’t have her kid with her at the time, I found this a little disturbing.  She was worried about taking him along, him being a hyperactive little boy.  I told her, I thought there was a playground somewhere at the stadium, so she may take him next time and, no doubt, embarrass him in front of the mascot.

Friday

Today’s Meal: A Five Guys Bacon Cheese Burger.  Excellent.  Over the meal, I prepared my bid for the Los Angles Clippers.  Upon acceptance, I plan on firing all of the multi-million dollar salaried Black players and replacing them with sub-minimum wage hourly illegal aliens.  I may even convert the team to an indoor soccer league.  At the press conference I’ll say, “Missing Donald Sterling yet?”

NMSU Aggie Baseball

Back at the WAC tournament, the Aggies took the first game of an elimination double-header, 7-4.  Next, they faced the number one seed with their pitching staff highly depleted, giving up 6 runs by the second inning.  They made a good comeback run, but lost 9-5 and finished their season.  I’m sorry to see it end, since these Aggie games are the best reception I get for baseball on the radio.

Texas Rangers

Rangers are playing the Tigers again.  Weird to hear Eric Nadel call one of my favorite players, Ian Kinsler, making plays against the Rangers.  Then the signal cut out from the El Paso station and the game was over before I could pick it up on a Midland station.  So much for baseball today.

Artifacts: Peanuts Fan Letters

[I'm off until next Friday.  Please go ahead and peruse some of the older posts if you haven't already.  I suspect I'll have some Memorial Day sports posts when I get back.  After that, I 've got one more short adventure ready to post.  I'm working on a large haunted house adventure right now.  Hopefully, it'll get close to done while I'm on vacation.]

I’m a big fan of Peanuts. I’ve got a whole bunch of the old paperbacks still. Back when I was in grade school, somehow I got the fan address for Charles Schultz and wrote him a couple of letters. (That address might still be valid for fan letters.) No telling what I wrote, but these are the replies I got back. If they weren’t in such poor shape currently (I’ve cleaned up the scans a little), I’d have them framed and on the wall.

Artifacts: Susanna Hoffs

Now if there’s two words that will get the attention of any guy who was a teenager in the 80’s, it's Susanna Hoffs, lead singer of the Bangles. This interview about her solo album is from a magazine that was probably a giveaway with a purchase. (Sorry for it being in pieces. It just won’t fit together cleanly.) I own this album (and even her second solo album). The Mariah Carey ad was on the same page as the Hoffs ad. Yes, at one point Mariah was an up and coming young star with a debut album, and not a diva.

Sports Journal 5-18-14

Soccer

You know it’s been a poor sports weekend when you’re starting off with soccer.  Oh, it’s likely more my fault than sports in general, but athletics haven’t done anything to rouse me from my funk.

I thought last weekend that somehow the English Premier League had its championship.  Imagine my surprise as two teams were playing for a cup and neither of them were the team that was being congratulated last week.  I have no idea. 

I decided to give it a look-in because my favorite soccer team, Arsenal, was playing.  How did I acquire a favorite team in soccer when I don’t even have a favorite hockey team, a sport which I actually watch regularly and enjoy?  Simply, they are the favorite team of my favorite F1 driver, Jensen Button.  Also, they seem to be nicknamed, the Gunners, which would actually be a great team name.  Unfortunately in our repressive thought-controlled society, we’re unlikely to ever see that name used here.  (More on team names later.) 

My Arsenal guys managed to make the greatest soccer comeback of all time as they were down by the insurmountable score of 2-nil, but tied it in regulation and went into Extra time.  Failing to break the tie, the teams into Extra Extra time.  Arsenal scores!  Yea!  Championship! 

Wait, why are they still playing?  Two minutes later, the teams decided to stop playing for whatever reason, and Arsenal had indeed won, this time for sure.  I have no idea what I watched or how the game works, but my guys won!  I wonder if there’ll be another championship next weekend?  (Actually, I think there is.)

Cycling

Oh yeah, now I’m officially scrapping the bottom.  Even I may not read the rest of this post.  Actually, I enjoy bike racing, or did.  Because of all the scandal in the sport, it’s lost a lot of prestige and, frankly, it’s highly un-cool to say that you like it these days.  It was the Tour of California.  Cyclists in the final stage were challenged by high mountain elevations and even higher state taxes, and a flat out urban sprint, dodging illegal aliens left and right.  I’m just kidding.  It was an upscale neighborhood.  No doubt the residents had sent the lawn workers away for the day.  What’s great about cycling is that the winner gets kissed by trophy girls on the podium, the way God intended.  The winner had twin ruby red lipstick marks on his cheeks during the interview.  Awesome.

Hockey

My ability to watch hockey seems to be diminishing as summer temperatures rise.  I skipped the Sunday game, even though I like the Blackhawks.  I paid indifferent attention to the Saturday game where the Ranger drubbed the Canadiens.  They were playing in Montreal, and I couldn’t help but notice that there was an Expos banner up in the rafters with the hockey team’s banners.  This brings up the obvious question of what did the Expos ever win?

I think I missed mentioning this early in the baseball season, but late in Spring Training, I saw the Blue Jays in an exhibition game at Olympic Stadium.  The Montreal fans were encouraged to break out there old Expos jerseys, and they actually filled the stadium there.   Where were all of these people when they had a team?  Seems like there’s good-sized potential fanbase there.  Montreal Rays?  Montreal A’s?  Hmmmm.

Indycar

Wait.  That was a hockey update?  Weak.  I deserve a good, cheap shot into the boards for that one. 

Well, it’s about to get weaker.  Local boy, Ed Carpenter won the pole for the Indy 500 for the second year in a row.  I couldn’t watch more than five contiguous minutes of qualifying, in spite of four hours of coverage over two days.  Sunday was particularly bad as ABC/ESPN spent an hour doing nothing before drivers actually went out on track.  The new qualifying format made no real sense to me.  The change was probably mandated by the lack of needing a “bump” day, which certainly means that they’re probably paying a few teams to start to make up the field of 33 cars.  Still, I’m looking forward to the big race next weekend.  Sort of.  During the cycling, NBC was advertising the Monaco race starting at 5:30 am.  Memorial Day Sunday promises to be a very long day for me.

Baseball

Why am I even bothering with these section titles?  First up, I have to mention the NMSU Aggie baseball I listened to all afternoon on Saturday.  The second game of the double-header was rather memorable at 22-15 Aggies.  I think the football team would be happy if they could score like that.  It was a 7-inning game that, no surprise, took longer than the 9-inning game that preceded it.  There was something like five pitchers used in the first inning.  That was the end of their regular season.  They’re off to the WAC tournament this week.

In Major League Baseball, the rash of pitcher arm injuries continues unabated.  I don’t pretend to have any special knowledge about this subject, and apparently neither do the people who get paid to take care of these guys.  For all of the babying of Strassburg’s arm, he still ended up needing surgery.  My Rangers are getting devastated for the second year in row over injured pitchers.  Nobody seems to know what they’re doing when it comes to managing arms, especially new pitchers.  I think this issue will be (or should be) headed to the Commissioner’s office.

I was pleasantly surprised that KROD was carrying the ESPN Yankees-Pirates game Saturday afternoon.  I almost listened to it instead of Aggie baseball.  Unfortunately, apparently nobody at the station was listening either, as local commercials kept interrupting the game.  I changed stations in sheer frustration.  Let’s see you guys at KROD pull this kind of amateur hour broadcasting during a Cowboy game or during your local sportstalk sometime.  If it’s too difficult for you to broadcast national baseball games correctly, why don’t you just broadcast dead air/ESPN sportstalk (same thing) in between commercial breaks instead? 

Chihuahuas

This is what’s known in journalism as “burying the lead.”  I have to make another apology to the team.  On the team’s website, there’s a link to a contest for best minor league cap.  After perusing the entries, I’m forced to conclude that “Chihuahuas” is not only not the worst team name, it may not even be in the top ten of bad names.  The Biscuits, the Rubber Ducks, the Sand Gnats, the Hops (beer hops), the Kernals (cob of corn), the Tourists, and the Manatees are just a sampling of, not just worse, but much worse names.  I won’t even get into some of the weird, disturbing logos. 

There’s some winners on the list like the Arkansas Travelers, the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes, the Tulsa Drillers, the San Antonio Missions, but for the most part, most teams are lucky to even have a questionable name.  Listening to all those Texas League games, I had just assumed most minor league teams had good names.  How about those cats?  We got Mudcats, Fishercats, Rivercats, Rockcats, Valleycats, and Flaming Cats (I’m just kidding about that last one).  I’m beginning to think somebody should take up my gag name, Surfing Bears, for real.  (If I ever own a team, I’m naming them the Gunners.  I expect harsh criticism from the PC police.)

 

The team, meanwhile, has sent down the hero of their first homestand, Jake Lemmerman, to Double A.  I said Triple A rosters were fluid.  His game-winning grand slam lives on in the promos. 

The Las Vegas 51’s came to town and lived up to their second-best record in all of baseball, taking the first three games in the series.  On a Dog Day Sunday afternoon, where El Paso fans were encouraged to bring their dogs, the 51’s went up 7-0 halfway through the game.  Game over?  Hardly.  In the bottom of the 6^th, Cody Decker would drive in a go-ahead run for the dogs, capping a 7 run inning.  (No word on what he was wearing though.)  Needless to say, the sell-out crowd went berserk.  From the sounds of it, I don’t think any of them left at 7-0.      

The score would go back and forth again, but El Paso would prevail 10-9.  Another signature game for the team at home.  Unlike the Diablos, where it didn’t matter if they won, it only mattered what the promotions were (really, they didn’t budget for promotions in the post-season, the fans and team management literally didn’t care if they won or not), I think the fans are expecting more now.  The Chihuahuas need to win to keep their fanbase.  Victories like this are exactly what they need to keep the buzz going.  Another thing that helped this series was having local El Pasoan, Omar Quintanilla, playing, albeit for the opposing team.  The fans did applaud him and give him a warm welcome.  Very knowledgeable. 

My only disappointment with today’s game would have to be with the canine fans.  I don’t know how many dogs were in attendance, but I only heard one distinct bark.  Apparently the dogs were sitting on their paws for the game.  What were they thinking while their owners were going crazy?  Would the dogs rather have been home watching golf or hockey?  Mad that they never get taken to basketball or football games?  I blame their owners for not properly training them.

Artifacts: Behind the scenes at That 70's Show

Or an actual scene from the 70's themselves.  I found these pictures in a scrapbook here at work.  These are images from Loretto Mall here in Las Cruces, New Mexico.  The first is from a fashion show held here at the mall and the other is just a typical day shopping there during Christmas.  The place is a lot more quiet now as it's been converted to offices.  Back in the day, this was a swell place to shop.

Artifacts: Looney Tunes

[I've got another adventure to post, but I'm going to be on vacation late next week.  I'll probably start posting it after I get back.  In the meantime, I've got some other stuff to put up.]

These are actually scans of pictures I took for a Photography class. Developer, stop bath, fixer, wash, the whole nine yards of old school photography. I’m not sorry that’s been replaced by something a whole lot easier. The pictures themselves are from the fondly remembered Comics Scene magazine. I’m not sure why I was taking pictures of a magazine, but I’m glad I did. That’s Daffy Duck from the Quackbusters cartoon, and Wil E. Coyote in his Acme Bat-Man outfit.

I have a couple of sketches, too.

Here's another shot from Quackbusters.

And this is a sketch of a Chuck Jones painting, December Morn.

The Leaked Scripts of Community Season Six Part 2

Previously

History of Current Pop Culture

Abed has “Meta”ed his match.  A member of the new, junior study group can go reference for reference with the master and then some.  In a wacky trivia contest, the kid’s “kung fu” is better.  After putting up with Abed’s pop culture cramming for a week, Rachel, his girlfriend, almost leaves him.  Abed is forced to confront his need for a new shtick.  He picks neurotic boyfriend and asks Rachel to take him back.

Studies in Fan Service

Annie, trying to get Jeff’s attention, becomes a nude model for a Life Drawing class.  However, she soon falls for a blind student, who is able to make stunning paintings of her after feeling her up.  Enraged with jealousy, Jeff attempts to prove that the student is only faking his blindness (which he is).  If the show isn’t on the network, but on premium cable or the Internet, expect to Annie’s actual boobs.  Allison Brie mentally checks out of the rest of the season and contemplates a lawsuit as Dan Harmon has inserted himself into the show as the “blind” student.  “And I thought being on Mad Men was degrading and exploitive,” she’ll say later in a deposition.    

How to Make Enemies and Influence Them to Hate You

Jeff is invited to host the annual city officials roast.  His routine instead focuses on attacking the city council’s enemies in a blatant attempt at kissing their asses for more school funding.  It fails and he bombs.  Joel McHale phones it in for the rest of the season as well in protest at this transparent jab at himself and his White House Correspondents Dinner performance.  

Bottle Episode

Dan Harmon, now fearing the regular actors left on the show, does an episode with the new study group having a fight with themselves in the study room over a tyrannical assignment by Mr. Winger.  Danny Pudi wonders when his character will finally get screwed over, but it never happens.

Dean Ex Machina

Chang activates his final scheme to destroy the school at the behest of the school board.  Hint: it involves a giant pool of urine.  Jeff: “Since Pierce isn’t here, I’m going to have to say it, we’ve got save the school from the “yellow peril.”  The Dean sacrifices himself to save everyone, though his body is never found.  

Basic Mythology

All of the tropes from the previous five seasons, that didn’t directly involve any of the departed cast members, are implausibly used.  Abed ironically comments on his ironic commenting about the situation. 

Advanced Finality-Extra Credit

The Kickstarter for the movie has succeeded.  Harmon begins writing the most epic paintball episode of all time (spoiler: it involves zombies).  Abed and Rachel’s and Jeff and Annie’s surprise double wedding is interrupted by Troy (special guest star) and the Dean, both objecting to the ceremony.  The whole thing ends on a cliffhanger of pop culture references (how appropriate).  Jeff suddenly wakes up with Britta, who tells him it was all a dream (Newhart show ref).  Suddenly, Annie wakes up and finds Pierce coming out of the shower, drying off Annie’s Boobs, who tells her that the last two seasons have all been a dream (Dallas ref).  Meanwhile, Abed is playing with a snowglobe with a tiny, miniature Greendale campus inside it (St. Elsewhere ref).  (Don’t worry.  The movie will tie all this together.)

Okay, I think we can all agree that we dodged a bullet with the show’s cancellation, now knowing what would have happened. 

Given that the network doesn’t like the show or its creator, it’s not coming back to NBC.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s probably more personal than business.  Maybe they just let him think that it was coming back, just to screw with him.  The fans say they love the show, but didn’t like the last two seasons and it apparently has no broader appeal, so I question this show’s viability in another venue. 

Without Pierce and Troy, I personally don’t see the point in continuing the show.  (Should have done a better job about bringing in new characters during the previous seasons.)  Dan Harmon himself may not even really like the show, given Season Five’s lackluster attitude.  He actually seems to resent the show being best known for the paintball episodes.  He’s got another show he’s working on anyway.

While no one was too shocked at the news of the cancellation because of the bottom line bad ratings, Season Six was just so assumed, it’s hard not to imagine it still happening.  It’ll happen if for no other reason than to just mess up this post.          

The Leaked Scripts of Community Season Six Part 1

Just to screw up my last Community post, NBC has canceled Community for next season.  (Check out those Alison Brie GIFs in the comments.)  They might have also wanted to get in the last laugh at Dan Harmon for that teaser at the end of the Season Five making fun of them.  (Yeah, but watch them actually produce that “Captain Cook” show anyway.)

For his last column for a computer magazine, John C. Dvorak previewed every future column for the coming year that he wouldn’t be writing.  January: here I will pointlessly attack Apple for no reason; February: here I will do an in depth, technical article about digital photography that will interest exactly three people; March: after an avalanche of hate mail, I kiss and make up with Apple; April: Windows sucks, but the next version should be great, which is what I said last time.  Okay, I don’t entirely remember it and may have made up some of it, because it’s been years and I don’t have the original, but you get the idea.  In that spirit, here are the episodes of Community you’ll be missing next season.    

F.U. NBC

The episode begins with Jeff spanking Annie’s Boobs.  The monkey has been living with Jeff over the summer, and he is damn sick of it.  And so is Jeff.  The apartment just isn’t big enough for the both of them and somebody has to go.  The episode is filled with clever in-jokes and highly metaphorical as Dan Harmon   has his jollies rubbing it in to NBC, who was forced to reinstate the show after their entire Thursday night lineup was canceled.  (Or alternatively, the show was forced into another venue.)  The last casual viewer never watches this show again after this episode.  Ross from Friends makes a guest appearance at the end.  “Hey, I used to live with a monkey too.  What were we thinking?”  

Jump Back to the Terminated Future on Groundhog Day

It’s a pity that statistically nobody is now watching the show.  This is a great episode.  Jeff is sent back in time via the Dream-a-torium 2.0 to his first day at Greendale.  He attempts to undo his decisions and start over, only to have to repeat the day in an endless loop.  Abed follows Jeff and attempts to shoot him with a special paintball gun to end the loop.  

Remedial Cat-Fighting

It’s finally come down to this.  Britta and Annie are taking a MMA fighting class, wherein their pent up anger over Jeff’s inability to choose between them comes out violently.  Yes, there’s a segment where the girls go WWE on each other.  Desperate for ratings, NBC (or whoever) heavily promotes this episode with several salacious clips. 

Seminar: How to be a Success

In this touching episode, the group attends a motivational seminar with a charismatic speaker.  So inspired (and since their characters are increasingly useless on the show), Shirley, Duncan, and Hickey decide leave the school to pursue their dreams.  Britta meant to attend it, but overslept.  Now that she’s completely depressed again, Duncan proposes to her.  “My dreams all include you.  You are my dream,” he says.  The girls go, “Ahhhh,” one last time.  Britta accepts and decides to leave with him.  Jeff, jealous over the motivational speakers’ charm and wanting to keep the group together, finds out that the guy is actually a loser and a fraud.  However, Jeff decides not to expose him in the end and lets the group members leave happy (as do the actors).     

Basic Law for Dummies

The opening credits to the show are finally dispensed with because of the lack of permanent cast members.  Here we’re introduced to a new study group in Jeff’s law class and a bunch of replacement/parody characters who essentially take the place of departed cast members.  Highlight: Jeff saying, “Here’s my cellphone, Mr. Hartly.  Call your mother and tell her you’re not going to be a lawyer.”     

Warmed Over Leftovers

A campus-wide game of “Laser Freeze Tag” puts Jeff on the hotspot as Annie openly declares her love for him.  Since he’s “frozen,” he can’t answer.  To take the joke even further, Annie sings out her affections in a spoof of “Let it Go,” complete in an Elsa costume.  Nobody cares who wins the contest.   

Continued

Sports Journal 5-11-14

No TV baseball, no hockey, no problem.  I’ve still got plenty to write about.

Indycar

We’ll consider this a warm-up post before the 500.  It was a beautiful day in Indianapolis for the inaugural Grand Prix of Indy.  It’s the clockwise-running road course that’s been used by F1 and Moto GP, but this time with Indycars.  The cars lined up for the standing start.  The starting lights went out.  And pole-sitter Sebastian Saavadra’s car did not start.  Most of the cars behind him, managed to dodge him.  The two that didn’t created a spectacular shower of carbon-fiber.  Meanwhile, every F1 team that was watching the race snickered.   

I keep waiting for this “great” strategy of US open wheel racing of ditching ovals, using option tires, and standing starts to pay off.  So far, it’s only been a death march of Indycar following in the same failed steps of Champ Car.  It’s not like this isn’t the first time I’ve seen standing starts become moving junkyards. 

If you’re going to emulate F1, you’re going to get compared to them.  Even if the races are more interesting (more on that later), it’s because Indycar is amateur hour by comparison.  Fans of F1 don’t think much of you.  Fans of NASCAR don’t think much of your twisty races either.  Anybody in between that (like me), would rather watch a sports car race on a road course, because your cars are very ugly compared to any other race car. 

It was hard to get a sense of the crowd size.  Because of the track configuration, the grandstands were only occupied at certain points.  There were infield seats and areas for sitting out on the grass.  Unlike most road courses, Indy is flat.  Elevation changes actually probably don’t make for a better race, but they are more interesting to look at. 

I’m reminded of the old Cleveland Airport track by the lake.  Completely flat and basically course laid was out with a few soft barriers and some traffic cones.  It produced a cool race, but maybe I’m just remembering the starts.  Turn 1 was wide enough to accommodate half the field running side by side, which is what would happen.  Of course, they all tried to get to the inside and kapow!  The survivors would race much smarter.

There was passing for the lead on track at Indy, but mostly only on restarts.  After that, there was little passing.  The bulk of the race discussion concerned tire wear and fuel mileage.  Frenchman, Simon Pagenaud, would be the first winner of the event based on his ability to save fuel.  Was this event an attempt to lure F1 back?  Was it just a tease for the Indy 500?  (Certainly they mentioned Kurt Busch’s upcoming attempt at the Memorial Day Double enough.)  Are they out of municipalities to trick into running street races in their downtowns?     

F1

I got up at 7:00 am on a Sunday to watch this.  While I enjoyed Bahrain, we’re back to typical F1 here.  Essentially nothing happened in the race.  Hamilton and Rosberg started in front and Hammy won.  Red Bull’s Ricciardo came in third.  Vettel was told during the race to stay on “Plan A,” which was apparently start somewhere mid-pack and finish in fourth.  Mercedes might start looking over their shoulder at these guys, but I think the driver’s and constructor’s championships are safe.      

The race was at Catalunya outside Barcelona, Spain.  There was a large crowd there, many lounging on the green hills surrounding the track.  They started the race clapping to Queen’s “We will rock you,” over the PA.  I’m not sure if the crowd showed up for a race or a party.  The Uni-mas announcers showed up to root on the Mexican drivers, but didn’t have much to cheer about.  I never heard them talk about the World Cup.  I figured the over/under on that would be at least two mentions, since the race was boring.  Speaking of that.

Soccer

I flipped past NBC and noticed they were showing English Premier League soccer.  They said there was some sort of championship on the line.  Since I may not have much else in sports to watch later this summer, I thought I’d watch.  What’s the worst that could happen? 

Sigh.  It’s not even worth coming up with a joke.  In fairness, I did join the match halfway through, and the guys sponsored by Jihad Airways were up by the insurmountable score of 2-nil.  The fans swarmed the field to congratulate the players and celebrate.  If this happened at an American football game (not including the Superbowl, since the fans in attendance there don’t care who wins), they’d be machine gunned, possibly drone-striked.  ESPN commentators would be saying that they had it coming and call for barbed wire to surround the stands. 

What’s really frightening is that the nine other games in progress for the end of the English soccer season were being simultaneously broadcast over nine different US cable networks, including Syfy.  Not one freaking over the air baseball game this weekend, but 10 different English soccer matches to choose from, including one over the air.  Wait’ll you see ESPN promoting the World Cup this summer.  Somebody seems to think there’s an audience for this here and is determined to service it.  The only feature to recommend soccer is that the matches are shown without commercial interruption, unlike certain American sports, like NASCAR, who insist that showing the race is optional compared to the commercials.  (F1 coverage is also commercial-less.)  Speaking of that.

NASCAR

It was the race that wouldn’t end.  The half-hour late start was insignificant to the time spent under caution for wrecks and spins.  An incident near the end of pit cycle lead to a first time 30 car wave around and the “Lucky Dog” ending up on the front row with the only other car starting on the lead lap.  For all of the threatening weather in the area, it was not a race to half way and the crowd was tremendous.  This first Kansas NASCAR night race was a success.  They did have a rookie incident with the lights going out in a corner, but the drivers were okay with it.  This again reminds me of the Cleveland Airport track.  The last race that I know of there was a night race, which I didn’t see, but was told that there was a complete black out spot in one of the corners.

Baseball   

It was a bad weekend for baseball for me, flat out.  Friday night, I noticed that the Texas Rangers were winning 8-0 over the Red Sox.  I didn’t notice Yu Darvish had a perfect game/no-hitter going until afterward.  I never quite got the story straight about hit/error that spoiled it.  An ESPN update used Matt Hicks’ spirited call of the incident, which surprised me since you’d think they’d use the Sox call instead.  Unfortunately, while Eric Nadel routinely gets credit for his calls, I’ve yet to hear Matt get credit for his.  He should at some point. 

I ended up listening to the NMSU Aggie game Saturday night.  The Aggies had it won in the 9^th, but Bakersfield tied it.  The Aggies would go on to do this two more times in the 13 inning game, before finally losing it on an error.  Ouch.  They also fell victim to the hidden ball trick during the game.  Double ouch.  The next day, they’d bounce back and win it 19-7, but I only heard the last couple of innings.  They were up 14-0 after like two innings.

I missed the Saturday Ranger game for the Aggies, and missed the Aggies for the Sunday Ranger game.  The Rangers were fairly listless in their 5-2 loss.  I also missed the Chihuahuas Sunday game, which they won 11-0.  I wonder if they stopped putting the balls in the humidor?  I caught a little of their Saturday game.  Their coverage started late and, of course, cut off for people listening in Las Cruces after the sun went down. 

I was struck by the crowd.  They were still oohhing and aahhing on every play.  Where were these people for the Diablos?  This question merits discussion.  I remember seeing the team once at the old Dudley Dome, which wasn’t a dome, it was a step above a vacant lot.  I think the only reason Dad took me was because we had free tickets, which they gave out all over El Paso, all the time.  I later went to Cohen Stadium several times, which was a very pleasant place to see a ballgame (which was easy to get to with plenty of close parking I might add).  They gave out souvenirs and had fireworks constantly, and some cheap concession items (unlike the current place from what I’ve heard).  The crowds were never that into the game. 

Is it the new stadium?  Is it the level of play?  Is it the promotion?  Has El Paso become a baseball town (at least until football season starts)?  Are they getting a crowd from Juarez who are into baseball (at least until World Cup)?  I just don’t know. 

In any case, dad, who did listen to the Sunday game, made me feel a little better about my continuing use of faux pas of using the name, Diablos, when he finally did it too.   

Fantasy Core Adventure: Diamond Temple Intro

DIAMOND TEMPLE

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

{Crap!  I knew I wrote an introduction to this dumb adventure.  It got lost in the Draft posts.  Hopefully, it will make a little more sense now.}

[This is a quick and dirty intro adventure I made for the previous version of the rules.  I’ve converted it to Fantasy Core.  It also used a map I got off the Internet, so I’ve re-drawn it.  Essentially this adventure is two encounters, which go way over the head of a group of low-level characters.  The goal here is to use some strategy to overcome them.  This might be an evening’s worth of gaming.]

This adventure is for four or five first and second level characters.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Setup

The group has taken up a 100 GP bounty on an evil wizard who’s running a cult.  Rodney Maxwell has gotten dangerous enough to become an official nuisance.  Bringing back his staff will be proof of his demise.  Civic duty isn’t only motivator.  The group has also heard about a large diamond in the wizard’s possession that he uses as a fetish.  There’s also been a more disturbing rumor that Rodney’s lair is protected by a large undead creature. 

The characters have managed to get a lead on his secret lair.  Arriving at a cave, the group has discovered a complication.  A group of pirates (“Everything is better with pirates.”) is already there.  They’re laying low after a caper of their own and have no idea what they’re next to.  On the run, the pirates will not be friendly to outsiders. 

XP Awards

3 XP for recovering the diamond and killing the wizard

2 XP for defeating Fatso the giant ghoul

1 XP for getting past Fatso without defeating him

1 XP for resolving non-monster/non-cultist encounters without killing, perhaps even recruiting them. 

Fantasy Core Adventure: Zombie Manor Monsters and Items

ZOMBIE MANOR

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Monsters and Items

Zombie (25)                                     

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 11 (Always strike last)

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0                                         

Melee: Slam +2 to hit, 1d8                                      

Swarm attack if 2 or more make successful attacks one 1 victim in 1 rd, they Grapple the opponent.  DC 12 + 1 per additional attacker (up to DC 15 for 4 attacking the same victim) Str check or Escape Artist to break or automatically take 1d4 Bite/attacker/rd         

 

Skeleton (10)               

HD 1, Hp 4, AC 12 

Fort +2, Ref +0, Will +0                      

Melee: Short Sword +1 to hit, 1d6

Ranged: Short Bow +1 to hit, 1d6                  

Mini-Skeleton (4)/Skeleton Dog (2)

HD ½, Hp 2, AC 12

Fort +1, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: Claw/Bite +0 to hit, 1d4

Castellan Skeleton

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 13 (+1 magic shield)

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: +1 Magic Short Sword +3 to hit, 1d6+1

Killer Vine

HD 4, Hp 17, AC 15         

Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +1

Melee: 4 X Vine Whip +4 to hit each, 1d6

Constrict: 2 hits on same target and victim is entangled

DC 12 Str or Escape Artist to get loose, or 1d6 automatic damage/rd

Will retreat from fire

Stun Cube                               

HD 4, Hp 15, AC 11                                               

Fort +4, Ref +1, Will +1

Melee: Acid Touch +4 to hit, 1d4 + DC 12 Fort Sv or Paralyze 1 Turn

Ice Troll (2)        

HD 2, Hp 8, AC 11* (magic or fire to hit)

Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +0

Melee: 2 x Claw +3 to hit each (may attack 2 different opponents), 1d8+1 each

Regen 2 hp/rd except for magic or fire attacks

Fire causes x2 dam

Black Cloak

Adds +2 to stealth check.

Invisible in darkness if not moving.

Fantasy Core Adventure: Zombie Manor Second Level

ZOMBIE MANOR

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Encounters Continued

01.          Bedroom: A finely upholstered chamber, mostly ruined, with a large, canopied bed.  Upon the bed is a mass of bones, which untangles itself into 3 Skeletons, 1 rd after being disturbed.  (Anyone suggesting that the skeletons were engaged in some kind of unnatural act is a deviant, but correct.)

02.          Wardrobe: Filled with racks of ruined clothing of all sorts and 3 Skeletons hiding among them.

03.          Bath: Contains a tub and fixtures.  If three or more enter or a scuffle breaks out, the entire floor collapses into #11, causing 1d6 falling dam to everyone inside.

04.          The Vault: Has a heavy, but currently open door, which can be locked from the inside.  3 Mini-Skeletons drop from the ceiling on anyone entering (or wait for everyone to enter), DC 18 to Detect.  There are 3 large chests inside, each with a DC 12 lock.  2 are empty, which can be determined by shaking it.  The third contains a Mini-Skeleton, which attacks like a jack-in-the-box.  Something can be heard rattling inside this one if shaken. 

05.          The Balcony: 4 Skeleton Archers hide here and may attack anyone entering the Courtyard.  They will also investigate any loud noises on the second floor.

06.          Storeroom: The room is flooded with a 1’ of brackish, standing water.  There are the ruined remains of boxes and barrels floating there.  A black cloak floats in the water.  

07.          The Well: The hole continues further down, but is no longer passable past here.  The room is in 1’ of standing water.  A black cloak (this one’s magic is ruined from the acid) and an Ivory Tusk seemingly float in the water, but they are actually inside a Stun Cube.  It automatically surprise attacks anyone coming down the well that reaches for the items, but it can be discerned if approached from #23 (DC 18 to Detect).  An altercation here draws the Ice Troll from #25 in 4 rds.  This may draw the other Ice Troll from #27 if the fight goes badly for the first.  The tusk doesn’t radiate magic.  The end has been bitten off.

08.          Chamber: Again, a 1’ of standing water.  A blue-skinned, tall, scrawny Ice Troll nests here and is sleeping on the debris.  If a fight lasts 4 rds in #24, it will awaken and investigate.

09.          Storeroom: Again, a 1’ of standing water.  Here is where the trolls keep their booty.  This includes a couple of barrels of pickled fish, a fresh dead body hanging from the ceiling, and a bunch of spoiled trail rations.

10.          Workroom: Again, a 1’ of standing water.  Another Ice Troll is here eating his latest victim (one of the thieves).  The other one may call for him if reduced to half hp.  There is a pile of bones in the corner.  It does not turn into a skeleton, but if searched the Ruby end of the tusk is there (and it radiates magic).

11.          Tunnel: Again, a 1’ of standing water.  This leads back up the surface outside the manor.  (Going back up through the manor, the group should run into whatever zombies are left.)

Resolution

The party is rewarded for the Tusk only if the ruby is with it and for each cloak.  They are not allowed to keep them, unless they want to surrender the reward for them.  The wizard will not be happy with the condition of his artifact, but he and the marshal will think highly enough of the group to recommend them for other jobs if they stay in the area.

Fantasy Core Adventure: Zombie Manor First Level

ZOMBIE MANOR

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

Adventure Index

Encounter Areas

01.          The Gatehouse: The large front gate doors are broken open.  An iron barred portcullis closes off the inner doorway, but the bars are bent enough to allow a single person at a time through.  There is light from above from the murder holes.  This area is submerged in brackish, foot deep water.

02.          The Courtyard: About half of the yard is also flooded.  A lone Zombie staggers near the Well.  He is wearing a black cloak and is one of the gang.  He also seems fairly oblivious to the party, unless provoked in some way.  Zombies in the Foyer (first), then the Stables, the Latrine, the skeleton archers on the Balcony, and finally the West Tower may be activated in order if he is attacked or if the party enters any of the doors in the Courtyard.  It is recommended that they come out in staggered (1 rd a piece), disorganized waves.  Only the Foyer zombies will pursue the group inside the manor.  (Yeah this adventure isn’t called Zombie Manor for nothing.  Why do you think the locals are afraid of it?) 

03.          The Stables: This structure is ruined and rickety.  Hiding inside are 3 Zombies.  These may attack when provoked or if action begins in the Courtyard.

04.          The Well: This is large enough to pass one person at a time and leads to #24, 20’ below.

05.          The Latrine: This is the common bathroom with waste going to a cesspool 10’ below and draining into the swamp.  3 Zombies are inside miming the act of using the facilities.  The party will catch them by surprise if they aren’t activated from action in the Courtyard.

06.          Barracks: This room is entirely wrecked.  There is a Zombie stuck (head first on the inside) halfway through the barred window.  It is wearing modern dress.  (Another thief, who tried to use the keep as a hideout.)  It reacts to the party, but is harmless unless molested.  There is a pouch hanging around his neck that jingles with the sounds of 10 gp and a jewel worth 50.

07.          Storeroom: The door is wedged partway open.  Forcing it, collapses the ceiling (DC 12 trap detection).  2d6 dam to the opener and 1d6 dam to anyone nearby.  DC 12 Ref Sv to avoid.  The noise will attract attention.       

08.          The Foyer: The double doors are smashed open.  There are 6 Zombies inside.  They are wearing outfits ranging from modern to ancient.  They will shamble outside if the Courtyard zombie is attacked.

09.          The Armory: The room only has empty racks and 2 Zombies standing guard.

10.          Bath: There are tubs and fixtures inside.  If three or more people enter or a scuffle starts inside, the entire floor collapses into a 10’ deep sinkhole, causing 1d6 falling dam to everyone inside.  This noise will attract attention.

11.          Servant’s Quarters: A simple bedroom and bunk beds, ruined.  2 Zombies are inside, miming sleeping.

12.          Lounge: 4 Zombies are here, seated on the ruined furniture, miming polite conversation.  This group also investigates any altercation or loud noise that occurs on the first floor.

13.          Inner Courtyard: The outer wall is broken here.  The top is open to the sky.  There are the remains of a garden and a dead tree.  Beyond the outer wall is a slow-moving, mossy river gently lapping against it.  A rowboat is docked there with a bedroll, a collapsible 10’ pole (in 2 5’ sections), and a backpack with 3 oil flasks and 2 torches under the seat.  A crocodile briefly surfaces, but quickly ducks back under the water if anyone gets near the water.  (Just a warning shot there.)  There is a stuck door, which must be forced open (DC 12 Str check), which leads down to #23.

14.          The Castellan’s Hall: In what was a tasteful study, a purple cloaked figure (the Castellan skeleton) sits in a high-backed chair in front of a fireplace with 2 dog skeletons.  He and the dogs rise to attack anyone entering, but will not pursue outside the room.  Likewise, the zombies will not enter.

15.          Kitchen: The typical contents of a kitchen, but covered in a perpetual fungus and slime.  DC 12 Fort Sv or sickened for 1 turn.

16.          West Tower: The bottom floor is sunken.  Entering drops a person into 3’ of slimy water.  There are 3 Zombies inside under the water.  (DC 18 to Detect or they attack from surprise.)  They will move to block the gatehouse if the Foyer zombies enter the Courtyard and the group tries to leave.

17.          East Tower: The bottom floor is flooded.  Thick vines from above dangle all over.  On the second floor is a mass tangle of vines.  The eviscerated body of another black cloak member is buried under the vines.  As soon as the body is disturbed, the Killer Vine attacks.

Sports Journal 5-4-14

It was Free Comic Book Day on Saturday.  It always tears me up inside as I internally debate whether I should go or not.  Whenever I’ve gone out to get something, I always come back feeling dumb and holding a bunch of crap.  It’s never worth the even the minimal effort it takes to go out.  When I don’t go, I feel ashamed and lazy for not getting out when I had an excuse to do so.  I felt especially bad this weekend not going, as it was Chamber of Commerce-like weather outside.  Was it a missed opportunity or avoiding a waste of time (which I did anyway staying at home)?  The only solution seems to be making sure that I somehow avoid noticing Free Comic Book Day until after it’s over.

I kept another annual tradition as I missed viewing the Kentucky Derby.  I inexplicably do this every year.  Before, it was because I wasn’t getting NBC over the air.  This year I had no excuse.  The one time I went to a horse-racing track I enjoyed it.  This was probably entirely due to my betting of a 12-1 shot on the nose in the last race of the day that paid off and brought me back to even money.  I liked the one Dick Francis novel I read.  Granted, I assumed it was a murder mystery at the horse racing track and was quite confused when nobody had been killed by the end.  Still not enough motivation to the watch the big race though, so no commentary. 

Chihuahuas

I think I have to offer an apology.  I think KROD is running a pregame before most of the games.  It’s their regular sportstalk show, but they are talking about the team in depth, in addition to other sports.  I knew that Steve Kaplowitz was a baseball fan, but his commentary has proven to be positively enthusiastic concerning the team.  The station seems to be committed running remote broadcasts before weekend home games.  I’m impressed.  I’d be curious to hear Kappy co-host a game or maybe fill in if ever needed. 

The game Wednesday last week was a Kid’s Day at the ballpark, or as they call it, “Baseball and Education” (something like that).  It was a day game, so even while I was at work, I was able to hear most of the game over the radio.  The Diablos would typically do one day game a year during the week at Cohen Stadium where they’d do the same thing.  You could tell it was a bunch of kids there, because they were screaming like kids for most of the game.  It was cute to listen to.  To contrast, the dog’s game sounded more like a regular game and crowd.  Tim mentioned that he could see a parade of businessmen walking around downtown past the ballpark.  Seems like some of them were playing hooky.  Day baseball is, of course, an acceptable excuse for missing work.   

Tim was joined in the booth for, not one, but two guests.  Both were essentially travelling ballpark writers, which sounds like a heck of a profession.  The first guest had little competition from the on-field action, but the second one came on during the thick of the drama.  Tim actually skipped a commercial break during a pitching change to be able to talk to him with some continuity.  You certainly can’t schedule the game play.  Upshot, both guests liked the ballpark.  I’ve also noticed that Chad Middleton, at the station doing scoring updates, has been engaging Tim with a little on-air conversation.  Not quite a co-host since he’s not at the ballpark, but I think some between innings banter is good for the broadcast to break up the monologue a little.

The game proved to be exciting, especially at the end as the dogs nearly managed to come back in the bottom of the 9^th.  But, the Sacramento Surfing Bears, err Grizzlies, would prevail 6-5.  Men and children left the ballpark in tears that day.  Such is baseball.    

I can’t get that Surfing Bear image out of my head.  I can clearly see the bear-suited mascot now and hear the commentary.  “What’s Cowabunga up to now?  He’s sneaking up behind the umpire.  Oh my goodness!  Cowabunga just pants the umpire!  Cowabunga what have you done?  The umpire is pulling up his pants with one hand and ejecting Cowabunga with the other!  Cowabunga’s pleading his case to the ump and trying to get the fans involved.  It’s to no avail.  The umpire has firmly ejected Cowabunga.  Poor Cowabunga.  He walks off the field hanging his head.  Don’t fret kids.  We all know how much Cowabunga loves baseball.  I suspect he’ll be back later.”  And there he is next inning in sunglasses and an overcoat sitting in the front row taunting the umpire, who somehow doesn’t quite seem to recognize him.       

I’ve been urged to copyright this concept, but I don’t want to be associated with it if it actually happens.

Meanwhile, Sunday night after a dog win, Cody Decker from team, who plays every position except hot dog vendor, did the sports report for Channel 9.  If he wasn’t the fan favorite before after his gallant entry into El Paso, he is now.  Cody kept up the edgy wardrobe with a striped suit, sunglasses indoors at night, and a bowtie.  He totally won me over with the Corey Hart 80’s reference to the sunglasses and the Dr. Who reference (“Bowties are cool.”)  Cody has actual acting credentials, so he was quite relaxed, competent, and amusingly charming during the broadcast.  They even liked him enough to let him to the weather recap.  It was hinted that he may become a recurring fixture on the weekend news.  Since Stetsons and fezzes are also cool by the Doctor’s reckoning, I can hardly wait to see what Cody wears next.

What a game on Monday night!  The dogs go down 6-3 early and come back on a grand slam home run by Tommy Medica.  I tune back in later in the bottom of the 9^th.  The dogs are back down by two runs, have two outs, bases loaded, and two strikes on the batter, Jake Lemmerman.  Boom!  Another grand slam home run!  Cue the crowd going crazy.  I suspect this will be the signature stadium opening game that people will remember.  Between this game and Cody Decker appearances, general interest in the team should continue to rise.  

MLB

I was watching a some of a Red Sox broadcast on the MLB Network on Friday at work.  They had a little behind-the-scenes segment at the ballpark.  One of the announcers was showing his office at the ballpark.  He’d got it as part of his contract negotiations.  Ahem.  Wait for it.  Yeah, the other announcer in booth didn’t have his own office at Fenway.  A small amount of good-natured contention ensued. 

The announcer (you know, as often as the MLB Network shows Red Sox and Yankees games, I should know these guy’s names) then mentioned that he had people over in his office during the playoffs last year, watching the games.  The ballpark reporter then chirped in, “I don’t remember being invited to that.”  Then the other announcer, “Say, neither do I.”  I hope these guys didn’t carpool to work.    

Boxing

The big fight between Mayweather and Maidana ended with the audience laboring and beaten.  The mixed decision for Mayweather brought the fight to an unglamorous, though not unanticipated, ending which dropped the viewers straight to the canvas and sent them crawling to the exits or flipping channels immediately. 

It started off so promisingly.  Maidana got two national anthems before coming out.  Mayweather called, and raised him by coming out with circus performers and Justin Bieber.  (I don’t even want to know what these two have in common with one another.)  There were about 100 people in the ring before the fight.  Between all the thugs, the clowns, and some guy wearing a Dia de los Muertos mask holding an American flag, it looked like a scene right out of a Democratic National Convention.   

The first round featured Maidana going at Mayweather like a berserker, forcing him into the ropes.  Near the end of round, we see the pattern that will dominate the rest of the fight: Maidana burying his head into Mayweather while on the ropes, the ref breaking it up, Maidana burying his head into Mayweather again.  Except for a few good punches, that was the whole damn fight.  I didn’t even pay to see this and I’m cursing it.  The crowd would alternate between singing something in Spanish and chanting “U.S.A.!” to amuse themselves in the meantime.   

Mayweather fought like he was afraid of getting hit, which makes his vocational choice rather odd.  He got in some good punches.  They look good, but didn’t seem to have any effect.  The longer his undefeated streak goes, the more defensive he seems to be getting. 

Maidana looked good there for most of the first round.  What he seemed to want to do was bring his opponent to the ground and use his wrestling skills to quickly end the fight.  Oh, wait.  This wasn’t an MMA bout.  Didn’t matter.  Maidana was so winded after the first round, his cardio would not hold up during a UFC match anyway.  The dirty hits also didn’t help his cause.  I’m still wondering if the referee saw him try to put a knee in Mayweather’s face during a clinch or not.  The ref was pretty winded from having to break them up about 10,000 times every round.

Wow.  That was great.  Let’s do this every Saturday.  Or never again.  (Maybe in July.  I have co-workers foolishly going out to see a fight in person again then.) 

Fantasy Core Adventure: Zombie Manor

ZOMBIE MANOR

A Fantasy Core Adventure

© Jerry Harris 2014

Published here as Open Game Content.

(This link will take you to the Fantasy Core Index.)

[This is a little test adventure I made up for Fantasy Core a while back.  It originally used a map I got out of a Dungeon Magazine.  I’ve gone ahead and made own version of the map for posting.  I think this would work best as something of a “chase” encounter.  After the characters walk in, they are hit with an increasing swarm of zombies and standing their ground likely becomes untenable.  They’ll have to run around, being chased, hopefully whittling down or throwing off their pursuers.  If the characters are having too easy a time, throw in more zombies.  If they’re about to be overwhelmed, have some of the zombies back off and watch, and throw them at the characters later.  The zombies and skeletons are not determined pursuers or very observant.]

First Level

Second Level and Cellar

Monster stats

This is an adventure for four or five, first and second level characters. 

Setup

Three days ago, the Black Hood gang stole a valuable artifact from a local wizard.  They did not make a clean get-away and just made it out of town with a posse on their heels.  Ten miles out, the four-member gang dodged into an abandoned manor house in the swamp.  “Zombie Manor,” as it has been nicknamed, is old, deserted, and regarded as haunted.  The gang wasn’t from the area and didn’t know of the place’s reputation.  The posse was reluctant to pursue the gang inside and decided instead to wait them out.  Finally, the wizard posted a bounty for anyone willing to retrieve his artifact.  The town marshal has also increased the bounty for evidence of the gang’s presumed demise.  So far, none of the locals have taken them up on the challenge.

The artifact in question is an ivory elephant tusk with a large ruby implanted on the blunt end.  It radiates magic, but the wizard will neither name the item, nor detail its function.  The Black Hood gang is well known for their trademark black cloaks, which may be magical as well.  The bounty for the artifact is 100 gp.  The bounty for the four thieves, dead or alive (likely dead), is 25 gp each.  Bringing back their black cloaks would be sufficient evidence.  There is no information about the manor in town apart from wild speculation and rumors.

The characters are from out of town and looking for work.  After registering with the marshal for the bounty, they are escorted to the keep and to the rangers watching the site.  The only thing they have to tell the characters is that, “When you get inside, you’re on your own.”

XP

3 XP for recovering the artifact and the four cloaks

2 XP for recovering less than that

2 XP for defeating the two Ice Trolls

1 XP for clearing the Courtyard (either killing everything or escaping the mob and getting into the house