How I Spent My Summer Vacation July 2019 Part 1

7-2-19

Some consequential weekday afternoon soccer was on with the US Women playing England in the World Cup semi-finals. Megan Rapinoe was not playing or even warming up for this game. I was hoping she was suspended for being a jerk, but she was actually nursing a bad hamstring. Who needs her? Actually, this was almost a slap at England by not playing her, one of the team’s best players. The good news was that the lovely and exotic Christen Press was in instead for the game (though she’s not exactly reportedly into guys either).

It had to happen. I actually enjoyed the first half of this match. It was exciting and interesting. It was 2-1 US at the half. My insane ultimate sports crush (though that has soured a bit), Alex Morgan had a header goal and Press put in another header. Alex really stepped up her play today and paid for it with several hard tumbles to the turf.

Of course, all of the game couldn’t be entertaining because its soccer. The second half started off with a scream on the field from an injury. It was a bad omen. Unfortunately, the rules of the game itself got in the way for the rest of the half. An English goal waved off on an offsides call. It’s either an unnecessary rule (getting rid of it would vastly increase scoring), or it’s just badly implemented the way it is (use zones like in hockey). Next, there was a BS call in the US box, perhaps a makeup call. This led to a penalty kick. PK’s are only a thing because the offsides rule prevents so much easy scoring. Without the threat of PK’s, teams would be so rough in the box, there’d be no scoring. Every time I’m reminded of how dumb this game is, I stop enjoying it.

While penalty kicks are usually taken for granted, shockingly, US keeper Alyssa Naeher flat stopped the shot. Bravo! It would have just tied the score, but felt like a very big moment. Alex got knocked down some more. She finally got spiked and England went down a player for the rest of the game as a penalty. The US won 2-1 and would be moving on to the championship game.

7-7-19

World Cup Championship Sunday between the US Women and the Netherlands. I overslept and completely missed the first half. From the halftime show, I gathered I missed nothing, literal nothing, nil-nil. As the second half started, I was close to changing sides. The Dutch girls were generally better-looking, if not gorgeous. Well, they did have that one black guy with the short hair that was wearing too much makeup playing for them. Oh, were you really expecting respectful soccer commentary from me?

60’ Alex Morgan was high-kicked in the shoulder in the box, which gave the US a penalty kick. Thank goodness she wasn’t kicked in that immaculate face of hers. That would have required an on-field execution of the malefactor. American’s Sweetheart, Megan Rapinoe, took precious time away from her social justice activities to convert the PK for a 1-0 US lead. Let me give a little credit here, the Dutch goalie was no pushover and won the top keeper award for the tournament.

69’ Rose Lavelle made a tremendous kick from the center of the box into the left corner for a 2-0 US lead. Even better, though Rapinoe’s kick would be the game-winner, Lavelle’s pretty kick would completely upstage hers in the highlights. I’ve actually been kind of rooting for Lavelle during the matches. She looked totally out-of-place on the pitch with the other women. Her slight form, pale skin, and freckles (and she should have red hair too) made Rose look like a plucky heroine from a Disney Channel movie. The other reason I liked her was because I knew nothing about her. Compared to her teammates, that’s a definite bonus. 2-0 US was the final. USA! USA! Maybe I’m not celebrating as much as I should have been, especially given that I watched most of their games.

Megan Rapinoe won the Golden Boot award for the highest-scoring player. She also won the Golden Foot-In-Mouth award for her statements before, during, and after the tournament. Congratulations, you still personally suck, but you have some ability to score goals for the US. Your negative value to American society is ever so slightly vindicated. Alex Morgan, you’re not a role model anymore, but you are a champion again. Thanks to broadcast director for constantly showing your breathtaking self on screen all month. Whatever criticism I’ve had of Alex, I cannot take away her show-stopping good looks. Alex Morgan is the only thing keeping the US Women’s team relevant in-between Cups.

Let me also honorably mention keeper, Alyssa Naeher. She may not have had a lot of work during the matches, but she had the most important save for the team in the tournament, on a penalty kick no less. Look-wise, exotic Christen Press and adorable Mal Pugh were my favorites beyond Alex to watch. Julie Ertz is also attractive in a severe sort of way. She looks more like an MMA fighter. Finally, my Hustle award goes to Tobin Heath. I was really rooting for her to score, because she was the hardest working girl out there.

“They’ve lifted up a gender.” I couldn’t bear listening to the pre- and post-match commentary for the entire tournament. The overly spare staccato play-by-play was bad enough. I could have literally done a better job myself. Needless to say, I completely regretted listening to anything the studio people had to say. “Is this a turning point for Women’s Soccer?” I’ll answer that: it would have been if the players hadn’t politicized the event, neatly intersecting greed, the SJW agenda, and democrat talking points. Way to go. This victory has obviously lifted up all women the way the NBA, NFL, and Tiger Woods have “lifted up” all black people.

This team managed to alienate half the country. Of course that was also the half of the country prone to patriotic displays for national teams. I’m sure the team’s main regret is that they won for America, all of the America. If they could have just played for their communities and their political party, they would have done it. I can’t wait for the sh*t show that will follow now that they’ve won and their howling pack leader, Rapinoe, was the MVP. Their soccer skills have justified their big mouths, and now all of America will have to listen to everything they have to say about anything . . . unless you chose to ignore them because its soccer and this is America. Who cares?

The newspaper press coverage that I’d read before, during, and after the tournament made the interesting assumption that everyone would be watching these matches and that the readers were all deeply involved in team’s plight for continued relevance. The angry feminist press coverage attached little significance to covering the matches themselves by comparison. For the most part, only non-mainstream (in other words, truthful) news sources covered the ladies’ political stances. Most of media just covered the women’s desperate struggle for more money and otherwise “happy faced” over any other story.

I think the ladies have earned a raise. The US soccer federation should put more money into developing their Women’s teams, because this superiority isn’t going to last forever without continued investment. (This is because the Europeans are getting bent about the US Women beating them, so they’re investing more.) That said, you’ll notice everyone advocating for higher pay for Women’s soccer never makes an economic justification. They never mention that the Women’s World Cup makes a small fraction of money for the governing bodies relative to the Men’s. If you want equal pay, you need to be pulling in way (waaaay) more money and its unlikely increased bitching is going to make up the difference. Angry, political, unattractive lesbians as the face of your sport aren’t going to do it either, regardless of their soccer skills.

Ultimately, soccer is more hyped than loved in this country. Until that changes, there’s not going to be a massive investment in US soccer. As I’ve said before elsewhere, soccer is not going to be a major sport in this country until it is a sport dominated by large black men. (If you’re going to argue that point, think about it for a minute first. I can expound on this if you want. There are reasons.) Moreover, the Women are not going to get paid equal to the Men, nearly regardless of accomplishments, because the potential payoff of a good US Men’s team is much, much greater than that of a great Women’s team.

Have I just been talking crap out of my butt here about the US Women’s Soccer team without any forethought or consideration? Yes. So, I’m just like Megan Rapinoe in that respect. What a great role model!