Mike's Southwest Travels: Carlsbad Caverns Main Cave 2

Main Index

Another Main Cave Tour
September 24, 2005

   

    "You will touch this,” she commanded, “Go ahead and give it a good rub, because I’m not going to let you touch anything else.” The scorching hot blonde was dressed in a fetish-inducing, park ranger outfit.

    “Be quiet when you go inside.  I don’t want to hear anything above a whisper.”  Oh yeah, baby.  I’ll just be whispering your name.

    “Pay attention!  Go where I tell you to go and nobody gets hurt.”  She was getting really authoritative now.  I love a woman who knows what she wants. 

    “If you go down there and die; I’m going to leave you there.”  And there’s nothing like a little danger to spice up the action.  Right, baby?

    Err… Well, exactly who’s idea was it to hire a dominatrix as a park ranger? 

    So after seeing the sights of Slaughter Canyon, I couldn’t resist the siren song of the caverns as I drove past them.  Even better, it was Public Lands Usage Day, which meant free admission for everyone.  A rather obscure holiday, but I wasn’t going to question it.  Yes, the ranger actually was a hot blonde with an attitude.  Perhaps everyone’s admission was coming out of her salary.  She did instruct us all to touch a certain rock at the entrance, and that touching anything else would be painful.  She wanted it quiet, and it would really put her in a bad mood to have to retrieve somebody’s dead body from the caves because they didn’t follow the trail.  Oh, and have a nice trip.  Not to say she didn’t give us a thoroughly instructive tour, such as when somebody asked about the bats.  “Bats?  Those little flying bastards acting weird!”  See, that’s real knowledge there.

“Don't throw anything into the pools,” Ranger Hottie admonished, “Cause I have to go into that stinking cesspool and fish out all your damn change. And it’s not like I get to keep any of it, either!”

The Bottomless Pit.  I had to lean way over in a very dangerous manner to get this shot.  If Ranger Baby had seen me, she would have spanked me good and hard.  Unfortunately, she didn’t.  Damn.

 

The Pillars

   

The Rock of Ages

   

The Witches Finger and some other views of the cave.

Yes, it’s a picture of the bathroom.  Hey, where else can you pee 800' below the ground?

I noticed a strangely nervous crowd about the elevators when I got to the end of the tour.  A pair of perky, young, female interns were operating the two elevators, and having a contest racing each other to the top.  I had taken the elevator up on my last trip, but I had a feeling this time was going to be different.  We were loaded in the box and simultaneously the doors on the elevators closed.  Nothing like being in a crowded enclosed space… in the dark… with several G’s of force taking an inch off your height.  No, I don’t know if we won, but I counted being able to walk away (well, stagger away) as a victory.  As a space flight simulator, I rate it a 10.  As far as an elevator ride, I’ve developed a new appreciation for the stairs.   

Why can't Carlsbad have tram cars like these guys?  I could cave in comfort.